didn't turn out the way i had hoped

I wanted to watch a program on the History Channel called "Proving God".  I had it on my calendar because I knew of the faith healer who was on the program.  I knew people who were healed by him.  The first one I learned of was my sons' elementary music teacher. She had to leave before the school year was out because her MS was so advanced.  In fact, she was in a wheelchair by the time she left.  She went to Dr. Nemeh who through him was cured by God. After that I know she played the piano for 10 hour shifts at his healing surfaces.  Not sure if she still does.  Numerous people with chronic or terminal illnesses have been healed at these surfaces. Recently, he was on the Dr. Oz Show with some amazing testimonies.  And years ago I had him pray for my sister-in-law at one of his services who was pregnant and had breast cancer.  I am not sure, at this point, if it will come back but it's been 5 years.  Maybe she was healed? Time will tell.
Anyway, long story, short ~ I told J I wanted to watch the show then (and hoped he would too) ~ instead of later (I was recording it for my husband).  Well, he had a fit and his over reaction just threw me for a loop. He was at his boiling point and I don't know why I was surprised.  He loves the History Channel but whenever anything is brought up about God he gets angry.  He is so sensitive and I shouldn't have insisted and should have known better but his fuse blew so fast. I know he's very frustrated because of his situation and the fact I won't let him drive.  His leg isn't well enough and he is pushing himself.  I drove him to work again only to have his boss send him home.  No crutches this time but he was limping and his boss told him he can't work.  J had it in his mind that he'd work two shifts.  I didn't have to be the bad guy this time.  Needless to say, J has been surly.  So I drive him to the art studio in town and he was able to paint all afternoon.  Later, when he was home he moaned as he laid on the couch with ice on his knee, I asked him if he was okay and he said that he was just bored. 
So he left in anger.  I texted him and he swore and told me to leave him alone. I am afraid that his depression is back along with his other issues ~ and it would be no surprise.  I can't stand this. I am supposed to take him for his physical therapy appointment tomorrow.  I hope he settles down and comes back soon.  He shouldn't be walking on it like he's been. He's using the pain medication so that he can walk more and I believe it's causing more damage.  Can't tell him anything about that though. He probably needed an excuse to leave so that he can go smoke and/or drink or whatever.  I have no control over that but I am pulled in when he needs medical attention.  Life was much, much better when his girlfriend was in the picture.  I miss his happy, calm days.  Hopefully, they will return again soon........  I hope mine do too!  
 

Replies

bambusue
bambusue

Whew! ONe of those mercury-in-retrograde days. I saw you checked in with bad moods earlier in the day too.
you remind me of me about a month ago--nothing went or felt right, and I was pushing and wanting myself to feel cheerier and getting everything done like the little red hen, and full steam ahead. I only ended up \'fighting\' my sense of distress, and then getting the apology which didn\'t really touch my own sense of what i was doing to myself.
I do hope today is better, and that J has stopped pushing and pulling also. I think you both need a little space and time to breathe and find the good in your lives ; I will pray for smoother waters for you.
I am glad you mentioned that program; I will try to catch it on the HIstory Channel. I am keeping the TV off unless there\'s a specific program I want to watch; I find all the Christmas music played at top volume to sell stuff is hard on my serenity level, haha.