didn't sign up for this ...

So today I'm feeling sorry for myself once again, why me ? why don't my friends include me in their lives ? Why do they all offer their advice and urge me to get out and meet new people and do things I am not comfortable doing.... I want my life back, that's not going to happen. SO what I would like is for the people that were in our life to come back to my life, call me , ask me to your BBQ , invite me to dinner, heck I'd even go on a vacation with you I don't mind being a 3rd wheel, a 5th wheel. I know you I know your families, I am comfortable with you I am not comfortable venturing out into a new world wanting to meet a new set of friends . Well, guess what it's not about me as far as people are concerned so I have a choice sit in my pity party or create a new life... I hope I never treat anyone the way I feel I am being treated. I'm venting and this too shall pass. Living alone, being alone , doing things alone SUCKS.... I didn't have a perfect life by any means, nor a perfect fairytale marriage, but it worked and I was happy being married. Through the ups and downs, good times and bad times we stayed together because we loved one another and it worked. For all those people that think when you become widowed you are FREE and that it's a time for a fresh new start and blah blah blah.... I wish you could trade places with me for 2 years and see how wonderful this new freedom really is.... and I don't want to share my feelings with these friends because I don't want them to start calling me out of pity. BIG VENT session tonight and I feel a bit better.... tomorrow will be a better day .....