didn't interrupt
went to New Year's dinner with Stu's friends. I listened patiently and did not interrupt anyone. I wasn't bored and I didn't get overly excited. I did really well!
1st post in Scapegoat support group:
For years I've relied on books to deal with my dysfunctional family so I'm very glad to meet real people with similar issues! I'm 55yrs and have 2 adult children. I divorced in '87. I am not in contact with anyone in my family, including them, except for a distant sister who doesn't have the time or interest in really knowing me. I've been the scapegoat for as long as I remember. It became really ugly thirty years ago when my other sister formed a pact with my brother and his wife to ostracize me. I was told by my brother "Elaine, you don't exist". It left me in complete shock. That was followed by other cruelties. Mental illness runs in my family and ironically he later committed suicide. I practically raised him and my sister and the pain of the two of them turning on me because I was unconventional and because I spoke about my mental illness (in order to reduce it's power over me), was to much for them.Now it has been passed to the next generation- my children. I never wanted kids, but I got pregnant and married at 19. I started to suffer from ongoing bouts of Clinical depression, anxiety, and Borderline Personality Disorder vs. bipolar?. When I left him, a huge step considering my illness, I took my children whom I really loved, but had many conflicts because I was too young and because I never planned to do the nuclear family thing. I'm artsy and free-spirited. I could not deal with all of it! I was a reluctant mother, but a mother who loved her children nonetheless. He was a terrible ex- constantly making things impossible until it wore me down. He remarried and then I had the children every other weekend with NO flexibility whatsoever. There would be many Christmas' and Easters that I didn't see my kids. This was all happening as my siblings were trying to destroy me. I was literally in the midst of the 23rd psalm- "though I walk through the valley of death....." I had to learn not to fear the evil that surrounded me.My children are very critical and we've had a rocky relationship for many years. Last week I divorced my daughter- I'll post what I'd wrote in another group. I plan to do the same with my sister. My brother is disabled and I pay his phone bill which I'll continue to do for now.It's a lonely place to be and I give myself and all of you credit for staying true to yourself rather than sacrifice your identity in order to belong. I'm grateful that I'm an introvert and don't go in for huge gatherings and I'm ok with being alone. But who doesn't envy a close family. My heart is constantly breaking.
1st post in Scapegoat support group:
For years I've relied on books to deal with my dysfunctional family so I'm very glad to meet real people with similar issues! I'm 55yrs and have 2 adult children. I divorced in '87. I am not in contact with anyone in my family, including them, except for a distant sister who doesn't have the time or interest in really knowing me. I've been the scapegoat for as long as I remember. It became really ugly thirty years ago when my other sister formed a pact with my brother and his wife to ostracize me. I was told by my brother "Elaine, you don't exist". It left me in complete shock. That was followed by other cruelties. Mental illness runs in my family and ironically he later committed suicide. I practically raised him and my sister and the pain of the two of them turning on me because I was unconventional and because I spoke about my mental illness (in order to reduce it's power over me), was to much for them.Now it has been passed to the next generation- my children. I never wanted kids, but I got pregnant and married at 19. I started to suffer from ongoing bouts of Clinical depression, anxiety, and Borderline Personality Disorder vs. bipolar?. When I left him, a huge step considering my illness, I took my children whom I really loved, but had many conflicts because I was too young and because I never planned to do the nuclear family thing. I'm artsy and free-spirited. I could not deal with all of it! I was a reluctant mother, but a mother who loved her children nonetheless. He was a terrible ex- constantly making things impossible until it wore me down. He remarried and then I had the children every other weekend with NO flexibility whatsoever. There would be many Christmas' and Easters that I didn't see my kids. This was all happening as my siblings were trying to destroy me. I was literally in the midst of the 23rd psalm- "though I walk through the valley of death....." I had to learn not to fear the evil that surrounded me.My children are very critical and we've had a rocky relationship for many years. Last week I divorced my daughter- I'll post what I'd wrote in another group. I plan to do the same with my sister. My brother is disabled and I pay his phone bill which I'll continue to do for now.It's a lonely place to be and I give myself and all of you credit for staying true to yourself rather than sacrifice your identity in order to belong. I'm grateful that I'm an introvert and don't go in for huge gatherings and I'm ok with being alone. But who doesn't envy a close family. My heart is constantly breaking.
Replies
Great to hear, especially that you seemed to enjoy the evening, thumbs up to a good start for what hopefully will be an \'amazing new year\'.
I got into the habit of interrupting people when I married my first husband. He had three very outspoken sisters and mom. For two or so years they would be like \"Melissa, you\'re so quiet.\"I thought no I\'m not you all just don\'t stop to breathe! So finally I just jumped in over them too to get a word in edgewise.
Well, after we got a divorce the habit of interrupting people stuck with me for awhile and I had to really work at not speaking when others were speaking again. So congrats on not interrupting! It can be a bad habit to kick.
Thanks guys! I appreciate the support