DID HE TELL ME THE TRUTH ???? I SURE HOPE SO !!!!

Okay... Here it is... I'm a little shy about even talking about this in here, because I'm afraid that it's going to make ME sound like an " IDIOT " since I let Him go... not really putting up a BIG fight about this Weekend. BUT WHAT COULD I REALLY DO ????The thing is that about a Week ago He " said " that this Saturday - 8/2/08, there was a Big A.A. Volley Ball Tournament/Meeting going on ALL DAY LONG at a Local Beach here, and since He's supposedly been taking more of a Leadership Type of Role in His A.A. group, He said that He joined the Committee overseeing the Event. So it goes to follow that since He was on the Committee that He supposedly HAD TO GO to the Event itself ! He SAID that it'll last ALL DAY LONG from about 9AM till Sunset, and then afterwards there'd be about a One to Two Hour Break, then Meetings He'd need to attend. He SAID that by the Time the Evening Meetings are over it'll be so LATE that instead of making His Friend - that was giving Him a Ride to this Event, and back - take Him Home, INSTEAD He would STAY OVERNIGHT at HIS FRIEND'S HOUSE TONIGHT !!!! He went into GREAT DETAIL why it would be BETTER THIS WAY !He made sure there'd be NO WAY I could really argue the so-called " sense " of Him staying OVERNIGHT at His Friends House ! NOW.... ALL OF THIS IS BAD ENOUGH... TOO SUSPICIOUS IN IT'S OWN RIGHT.... RIGHT ????? ... At least I think it is. BUT... THERE'S MORE... MUCH MORE !!!!!!!! Just a FEW DAYS AGO.... Curiousity overwhelmed Me, and I checked His Tagged.com Site to see IF maybe He had forgotten to SIGN OFF on it the last time He had it up, so then I'd be able to see ANY AND ALL MESSAGES that He's been getting and sending out ! As it turned out I got LUCKY...  IF You can call it LUCK, since what I found HURT ME DEEPLY... ( I think I've already talked about this " Somewhat " in a previous Journal Entry, so IF that's the Case forgive Me for repeating it again in here ).I found MANY MESSAGES back and forth between HIM / RAY and a woman in His " FRIENDS " list named ELAINE L. !!!! These messages were ENTIRELY UNAPPROPRIATE... AND TOTALLY DISRESPECTFUL TO ME since I AM " SUPPOSED TO BE " HIS GF !!!!!I AM THE ONE HE LIVES WITH AFTER ALL... IN MY APARTMENT !!!!  PLUS.... the BOTTOM LINE is that in a few of the Messages back and forth between Them, there was Talk about wanting to MEET !!!! THEN... the WORST ONE I found was ONE that actually said that THIS SATURDAY - 8/2/08 - SHE LOOKED FORWARD TO BEING " WITH " HIM, AND BECOMING NEW LOVERS WITH HIM !!!!!! THIS SATURDAY !!!!! COINCIDENCE ????!!!!!!!!!!I THINK NOT !When I found ALL of that I didn't know what - if anything - I was going to do, because I was AFRAID of His RAGE that would probably EXPLODE on ME for looking into His PRIVATE MESSAGES !I was at first going to keep it all buried DEEP INSIDE, but I just couldn't ! He could see it on My Face the Next Day, that SOMETHING was WRONG ! I ended up admitting what I had done, and found.... and SURE ENOUGH He did EXPLODE ON ME !I had CAUGHT HIM " RED-HANDED " LITERALLY..... BUT HE DID HIS BEST TO TURN IT AROUND ON ME, INSTEAD !!!! Instead of HIM saying anything even close to an APOLOGY for His Behavior with that Woman, INSTEAD He did His VERY VERY BEST to make ME feel like the WORST PERSON IN THE WORLD FOR " INVADING HIS PRIVACY " AND READING HIS " PRIVATE " MESSAGES !!!!! He even had the NERVE to ask ME... " WOULD YOU LIKE IT IF I READ YOUR PRIVATE MESSAGES ONLINE ? "I thought about coming BACK AT HIM with something like... " WELL I WOULDN'T CARE, BECAUSE I DON'T WRITE ANYTHING THAT INAPPRORIATE, OR DISRESPECTFUL, TO YOU !!!! "But I knew better than to even TRY to REASON with Him at that Point ! HE MADE ME SWEAR THAT I WOULD NEVER... EVER... LOOK AT " ANY " OF HIS MESSAGES EVER AGAIN ! I promised because I didn't know what else to say at that Point, but inside My Mind I was thinking.... " IF YOU THINK I'M GOING TO HIDE MY HEAD IN THE SAND, AND JUST LET YOU DO ' WHATEVER ' YOU WANT, YOU'VE GOT ANOTHER THING COMING ! "OF COURSE... I'm SURE that from NOW ON He'll NEVER FORGET to SIGN OFF of His Tagged.com Site AGAIN ! Maybe it's for the BEST that I DON'T look at ANY of His Messages to OTHER WOMEN AGAIN ???!!!  I don't know. ALL I KNOW is that ANY TIME I have " CAUGHT " Him doing something like this, all it does is UPSET, AND HURT ME, AND HE ENDS UP YELLING... RANTING AND RAVING AT ME, ABOUT IT !!!! He's going to do WHATEVER HE WANTS TO no matter WHAT I SAY, obviously anyway.So what's the Point ???? OH... BTW... I almost forgot to ADD that He had an EXPLANATION, of course, for the WAY that those MANY MESSAGEGS between HIM and ELAINE L. on Tagged.com sounded ! His so-called EXPLANATION was the it was ALL BULLSH*T ! HE SAID HE DIDN'T MEAN ANY OF IT ! HE WAS JUST MIND-FU*KING HER ! OOPS.... LOL.... I think this Part I did explain in one of my Last Recent Journal Entries... Oh well... Sorry.Anyways.... So... HERE I SIT TODAY... SATURDAY 8/2/08.... AND I WONDER... DID HE TELL THE REAL TRUTH ???? IS HE REALLY AT AN A.A. FUNCTION AT A LOCAL BEACH ???? OR IS HE JUST WITH ELAINE L. TODAY, AND PLANNING ON SLEEPING AT HER PLACE TONIGHT ????? I PRAY TO GOD THAT HE TOLD ME THE TRUTH.... PLEASE ! I'M SO TIRED OF BEING LIED TO.... IF I FIND FURTHER PROOF THAT HE LIED ABOUT TODAY.... THEN HE'S FORCING MY HAND TO ACT SOONER THAN I WAS READY TO. SO... I'M REALLY TORN ABOUT WHAT TO DO.I LOVE HIM.... BUT, I KNOW I DESERVE TO BE TREATED SO MUCH BETTER.