Did Another 5k Today

Today I did another 5k... Man, did that kill me! I walked it in 93 minutes, but I sat for 10 for a total of 103 minutes. Last time I did a 5k I was able to do it straight, in 94 minutes, so I'm improving on time but lacking in stamina. Maybe my time improved because I sat and rested, but I'm not sure. I'm going to try and do another one on Sunday, and then one more next Thursday. I'm training for one next week, and I want to be able to have more than one time to put in. I don't want to be the last one in the “race”. I'm doing a virtual race, where we all walk or run a 5k and then post our times online. I know I walk slow, so I'm going to be in the back of the pack, but I don't want to be the last one. I'm hoping to get to 90 minutes by next week. I think I can do it, I just need to have a pick me up, like some coffee before I go out or something. Today I was tired, but I was still able to manage the 5k with the energy I had. Now I don't have any.
Last night I fell asleep easily again. Since I've been home, I've been able to fall asleep fast with little to no problem. I haven't wanted to say anything about it to not jinx it, but I already told Geo so if it's jinxed, then it's jinxed. I feel tired enough to go right to sleep tonight, so we will see how I do. I'm planning on going to bed by 10 so I can fall asleep by 10:30 and get 12 hours of sleep for work tomorrow. I'm looking forward to going into work tomorrow and seeing what they have me do in the new department.... I don't know what kind of things I'll be doing. I'm hoping that eventually they will find a place for me to start working part time. I know that will kill my exercise schedule, but I'm willing to try and work around that to work. I need the money. I'm doing better with money right now, but that's because I'm working hard to save and not spend when I don't need to.
I hate having to deal with money problems... I don't know anyone that likes it. I don't want to be rich, I just want to not have to struggle for money. I guess that would make me rich in my mind, but I don't want to be so rich I don't have to worry about anything at all. I just want enough money to pay the bills and give me a little bit left over to do stuff for myself, like get my nails done. I just want small things like that. I've been wanting to have my nails done for a while, but I haven't been able to afford it. I have more important things to pay for, like therapy. I could get my nails done if I didn't go to therapy, but I like my therapist and I don't want to give up things I need for things I want. I need therapy, since it makes me more stable.
I haven't seen my therapist in over a month, speaking of her. I miss her, and it's just been a mismatch of schedules that have made me unable to see her. I was supposed to see her last week, but I was at my mom's and I didn't communicate right when I wanted the appointment, so she scheduled me for a different time. It works out okay, though, because she scheduled me to come in on payday, so I know I have the money to go see her. I don't know how much money I have in my bank right now... I'm not doing that great financially, so I don't know if I would have had the money to go see her. But I will when I have my appointment, so that's a good thing.
Food today I was under on my calories again. Maybe that's why I've been so tired. I don't have the energy in my body to get me to do the 5k. I did have a pumpkin cheese pastry again today, so I know it's not that.... I don't know. Mood today was okay... I was thinking of suicide briefly again last night, so I know I'm not doing well again. I was just thinking about how I would do it if I chose to. I wasn't making a plan or anything. I think I've written so much so far avoiding that subject today because I don't want to think about it. I don't feel bad, though, so I'm not going to put my mood as bad yet. I just know to watch out for the depression. I know it's that I didn't go into work yesterday or today and I let myself get sidetracked and slept too much. Sleep last night was good, I just got a bit too much again. Not the 16 or so hours that I got yesterday, but more like 13, so too much. Stress has been okay today... just trying to push myself to do that 5k.