Dick sand

Just had sex with the ex. Although I have the usual shame and guilt feelings that go with this, it’s shifted my focus. 

I’ve just come out of a very intense relationship. Immediate attraction like a thunder bolt for both of us. He was separated for 2 years (apparently) when we got together. He is Sikh and has children. 

A few months into this (what I thought was the one) relationship. I was so deeply in love that I’m the poster girl for ‘women who love too much’.Then the bomb shell. Wife wants him back. Months of him saying no to his family and promising me to hold on and that he’s not taking her back..... his family have insisted it’s happening and she’s currently moving her stuff into his house. 

I feel like I was completely blindsided by my wanting this to work. He’s the 1st person I let into my heart in years. I cannot be bothered to have to go through this pain at 38 but realise I need to shift my relationship with relationships. 

Ive been left feeling let down, discarded, taken for a fool, worthless and was any of it true? His hearts with me he says but that’s almost a block for me as it gives me hope. Aaaaargh!!!