Diary Instalment: 31st March/1st April 2014
31st March/1st April 2014
Wokie Up: 31st March, 8:00amSlept At: 1st April, 9:30am
*Big Trigger Warning For Animal Lovers*
I Woke Up To An Empty House, Mum And Dad Had Already Left For A Work, Mum Always Writes A Note And Leaves It Beside My Bed With Things I Should Know Though. I Had A Dream About Mai Grandad, I Was Looking At Some Flowers And Said They Looked Like They Have A Face, He Told Me It Isnt A Face, It's A Rocket, It Didnt Make Much Sense.
I Still Felt Very Depressed And Self-Loathing, Tried Listening To The XFM Shows That I Always Play But Mai Head Was Hurting And I Couldnt Focus On What Was Being Said. I Played The Songs "ARTPOP" "Venus" And "Americano" On Mai Piano And Thought About Recording Them And Uploading Them To Youtube And Facebook, But I Wasnt In The Mood To Set Up The Camera And Put It All Onto Mai Laptop. So I Played Halo Reach On The XBOX While Eating CoCo Pops Instead, Which Didnt Help Either So I Quit After The Second Game.
I Cant Even Explain This Feeling, Its Empty, Physically Hurts, People Used To Be Able To Numb The Feeling For A Little By Just Being There, But Thats Not Even Working Anymore, The Only Thing That Makes It Go Away Is When I Get Manic, And Even Then Thats Not Always A Nice Feeling. Im Angry That Mai Music Isnt Good Enough, Mai Fashion Isnt Good Enough, Mai Videos Arnt Good Enough, Mai Stories Aint Good Enough, Nothing I Do Is Any Good, Im Not Any Good.
Im Frustrated Of How Mai Life Is Going, I Neva Go Anywhere Because Of How I Feel About Myself, I Have To Cover Up Mai Face, But Many Places Wont Allow Me To Go There Wearing Such Things, And No One Understands That Its Not As Easy As Just Taking It Off. I Feel Its Going To Be Like This Foreva, And Its Only Going To Get Worse, I Feel Mai Life Is Nearing Its End.
I Chatted To Mai Friend Courtney, She Wanted Me To Help Her With A Letter She Has To Write For Her Exams, Its Got To Be A Letter From A Soldier To His Mother, So I Tried Mai Best To Help Her With That. I Told Her To Put Her Head In A Bucket Of Freezing Cold Water Cause It Helps Stimulate The Brain But I Dont Think She Was Keen On That Idea, So I Suggested Looking At Real Soldier Letters Online From The 1940s, She Liked That One :)
The Conversation Soon Turned To Lady GaGa Of Course lol And I Began Watching Mai Favorite Music Videos From Her "Marry The Night" "G.U.Y" And "Judas", I Believe She Is The Best Artist To Eva Live ^_^ Mai Dad Wanted To Hear "ARTPOP" And "Eletric Chapel" Which Was Nice As Usually He Says Bad Things About Her, Like She Shouldnt Support Gay Rights And Does Things For Attention, Which Gets Me Extremely Mad.
I Seen A Video Of Some Sheep Crossing A Road Then A Truck Came And Ran Them Ova, Some Were Killed Right Away An Some Couldnt Get Up Off The Floor Cause Of The Damage :'( It Made Me So Angry I Felt Like Screaming, It Broke Mai Heart, It Really Makes Me Want To Cry, What Kind Of A Person Would Do That :(( Then I Ate Some Cake.
I Tried To Think Up Some Idea's For A Story Im Currently Writing, Well Im Not Cause I Dont Have The Ideas. All I Have Is That A Girl Who Is Unhappi With Her Life Leaves Her Home And Joins The Circus Because She Loves Circus Life And The Performing Arts, I Want It To Be A Very Gypsy-Cultural-Like, Thought Provoking Story. I Hope I Get Some Ideas Soon, Im Hoping Once Its Written I Could Make It Into An Audio Book And Get People Casted As The Characters, I Found A Forum Where Lots Of People All Write And Provide Voice Acting For Each Ova, So I Wanna Do That Eventually :)
I Started To Get Hope For Mai Musical Album Again, I Often Get Down And Give Up On Writing It Because I Know Mai Voice Isnt Any Good, But I Got A Spark Of Passion And Released The Album Cover On Facebook So Everyone Could See It, It Also Serves As A Reminder For Me When I Wake Up Not To Give Up On It. At 7:30am, Mum Brang The TV Into Mai Bedroom So I Could Lay In Bed An Watch Karl Pilkington With A Hot Water Bottle And Mai Teddy, It Cheered Me Up, It Was Nice To Be Warm In Bed And Watching Something Funny :)
Thought For The Day,
Is The Colour Orange Named After The Fruit Or Is The Fruit Named After The Colour?
Wokie Up: 31st March, 8:00amSlept At: 1st April, 9:30am
*Big Trigger Warning For Animal Lovers*
I Woke Up To An Empty House, Mum And Dad Had Already Left For A Work, Mum Always Writes A Note And Leaves It Beside My Bed With Things I Should Know Though. I Had A Dream About Mai Grandad, I Was Looking At Some Flowers And Said They Looked Like They Have A Face, He Told Me It Isnt A Face, It's A Rocket, It Didnt Make Much Sense.
I Still Felt Very Depressed And Self-Loathing, Tried Listening To The XFM Shows That I Always Play But Mai Head Was Hurting And I Couldnt Focus On What Was Being Said. I Played The Songs "ARTPOP" "Venus" And "Americano" On Mai Piano And Thought About Recording Them And Uploading Them To Youtube And Facebook, But I Wasnt In The Mood To Set Up The Camera And Put It All Onto Mai Laptop. So I Played Halo Reach On The XBOX While Eating CoCo Pops Instead, Which Didnt Help Either So I Quit After The Second Game.
I Cant Even Explain This Feeling, Its Empty, Physically Hurts, People Used To Be Able To Numb The Feeling For A Little By Just Being There, But Thats Not Even Working Anymore, The Only Thing That Makes It Go Away Is When I Get Manic, And Even Then Thats Not Always A Nice Feeling. Im Angry That Mai Music Isnt Good Enough, Mai Fashion Isnt Good Enough, Mai Videos Arnt Good Enough, Mai Stories Aint Good Enough, Nothing I Do Is Any Good, Im Not Any Good.
Im Frustrated Of How Mai Life Is Going, I Neva Go Anywhere Because Of How I Feel About Myself, I Have To Cover Up Mai Face, But Many Places Wont Allow Me To Go There Wearing Such Things, And No One Understands That Its Not As Easy As Just Taking It Off. I Feel Its Going To Be Like This Foreva, And Its Only Going To Get Worse, I Feel Mai Life Is Nearing Its End.
I Chatted To Mai Friend Courtney, She Wanted Me To Help Her With A Letter She Has To Write For Her Exams, Its Got To Be A Letter From A Soldier To His Mother, So I Tried Mai Best To Help Her With That. I Told Her To Put Her Head In A Bucket Of Freezing Cold Water Cause It Helps Stimulate The Brain But I Dont Think She Was Keen On That Idea, So I Suggested Looking At Real Soldier Letters Online From The 1940s, She Liked That One :)
The Conversation Soon Turned To Lady GaGa Of Course lol And I Began Watching Mai Favorite Music Videos From Her "Marry The Night" "G.U.Y" And "Judas", I Believe She Is The Best Artist To Eva Live ^_^ Mai Dad Wanted To Hear "ARTPOP" And "Eletric Chapel" Which Was Nice As Usually He Says Bad Things About Her, Like She Shouldnt Support Gay Rights And Does Things For Attention, Which Gets Me Extremely Mad.
I Seen A Video Of Some Sheep Crossing A Road Then A Truck Came And Ran Them Ova, Some Were Killed Right Away An Some Couldnt Get Up Off The Floor Cause Of The Damage :'( It Made Me So Angry I Felt Like Screaming, It Broke Mai Heart, It Really Makes Me Want To Cry, What Kind Of A Person Would Do That :(( Then I Ate Some Cake.
I Tried To Think Up Some Idea's For A Story Im Currently Writing, Well Im Not Cause I Dont Have The Ideas. All I Have Is That A Girl Who Is Unhappi With Her Life Leaves Her Home And Joins The Circus Because She Loves Circus Life And The Performing Arts, I Want It To Be A Very Gypsy-Cultural-Like, Thought Provoking Story. I Hope I Get Some Ideas Soon, Im Hoping Once Its Written I Could Make It Into An Audio Book And Get People Casted As The Characters, I Found A Forum Where Lots Of People All Write And Provide Voice Acting For Each Ova, So I Wanna Do That Eventually :)
I Started To Get Hope For Mai Musical Album Again, I Often Get Down And Give Up On Writing It Because I Know Mai Voice Isnt Any Good, But I Got A Spark Of Passion And Released The Album Cover On Facebook So Everyone Could See It, It Also Serves As A Reminder For Me When I Wake Up Not To Give Up On It. At 7:30am, Mum Brang The TV Into Mai Bedroom So I Could Lay In Bed An Watch Karl Pilkington With A Hot Water Bottle And Mai Teddy, It Cheered Me Up, It Was Nice To Be Warm In Bed And Watching Something Funny :)
Thought For The Day,
Is The Colour Orange Named After The Fruit Or Is The Fruit Named After The Colour?
Replies
*hugs* I\'m sorry you are so depressed.. I hope you feel better soon. I\'m here for you if you need me.
Thank You, Im Here For You Too :)