Diary Instalment: 25th June 2014
25th June 2014
Wokie Up: 25th June, 11:00amSlept At: 26th June, 12:00am
Wokie Up An Layed With Candy Before Having A Bath, I Couldnt Put Mai Arms Under The Water They Were Burning So Bad From The Sun Burn, I Couldnt Sleep Well Either Because Of It :(
Cassie (12:30am):I'm sorry :(
Radocto (11:41pm):Its Not Important
Cassie (11:43pm):Yes it is!!
Radocto (11:44pm):Not To Me
Cassie (11:53pm):Oh :(I should go :/
Radocto (11:53pm):I Think So Too
Cassie (11:55pm):But let me say this
I Care About Her But Its All One Sided, I Neva Feel Anything From Her An She's Given Her Heart To Someone On Ourworld Who She's Apparently Dating. It Hurts But Its Nothing I Havent Felt An Gotten Ova Before With A List As Long As Mai Arm.
Cassie (12:07pm):What have I done to hurt you Rad? I mean I know I've fallen asleep, and I know I'm not the best at responding but things have been happening. I'm been "getting help" I have people watch me eat, I spend my days at local clinics, they draw my blood constantly to make sure I'm okay, there are so many bruises on my arms. I've just been busy, I'm on like medications now, I don't even know what's really me and what's not me. I still throw up probably even more so, I've gained weight and that's scaring me. I just feel so lost, most days I throw my phone in a drawer and just go to a other room and keep to myself. I like you a lot, but as a friend. I can't fall in love with anyone right now, I don't and can't handle it. My dad walked out when I was younger, my mom left him because he was doing inappropriate things to me. I blamed myself growing up, that I hurt my mom so much because of my dad's affections towards me. Another guy came and walked out, my whole childhood was guys coming in and leaving their scars and then leaving. I lost control, I don't have control I don't even know what to think anymore. This is probably a reason o developed this, feeling like I have no control. I honestly wish I did. I never meant to hurt you, I've grown up around hurt I guess I don't know. I'm not a good friend to have okay? I've been through to much to ever be a friend to anyone. I don't know how to have friends, I'm depressed. I'm just always upset, and I like keeping to myself. Idk that's me I guess, don't talk to me, okay but don't hate me? Idk bye ?
Radocto (12:15pm):Maybe You Should Have Told Me You Like Me Only As A Friend Instead Of Leading Me On, I Understand Your Going Through Alot An I've Tried So Hard To Help But You Dont Let Me In, Do You Eva Wonder What Im Going Through? Do You Know I Cry Each Day? Or That I Constantly Want To Slash Mai Wrists? Or That Every Night Before I Sleep I Pretend Your The Teddy I Cuddle? This Happens To Everyone I Care About, There's Been Six Girls I Got Close To This Year Alone An Everyone Has Hurt Me An Left Me Alone
Cassie (12:24pm):I thought you knew? I didn't mean to lead you on, I know I tell you I love you which I do. But I'm not so sure I'm In love, I won't let myself do that. I know forgive and forget and move on. Well my dad practically raped me. I still have night mares about it. I literally if I'm ever with someone I get so paranoid their going to leave, or take advantage of me, or hurt me. I can't. I really do love you so much. You mean so much to me. You really do. I never wanted to hurt you, I'm sorry. I'm just sorry.
Radocto (12:27pm):Damn you
Cassie (12:32pm):I don't know what to say :/
Radocto (12:32pm):Nothing To Say, Thats It, Bye!
Cassie (12:35pm):Fine.Bye.I'm sorry I hurt you that muh
Cassie (12:44pm):I have to go. Please don't cut yourself or cry. It's not worth it just please you'll find someone I promise you I know you will. An amazing girl. Just take care. I'll never forget about you (: Take care! Bye
Started To Feel Really Down, It Hurt Alot When She Said She Liked Me Only As A Friend, I Really Feel Like Crying, I Dont Know Whats Right An Whats Wrong Anymore :( Another One Gone, I Should Just Die.
I Went Outside On The Seat An Put On Mai Dark Glasses, I Cried A Little. Then I Started Thinking That She Needs Someone More Than Eva Now, So I Went Back Inside An Sent Her A Message.
Radocto (1:10pm):I Dont Want To Go, I Want To Stay An Help You The Best I Can With Your Bulimia An Insecurities, Im Not Here To Use You Or Hurt You, You Can Trust Me. Your Right, I Did Find An Amazing Girl An She's You, I Really Love You An I Know You Think You Cant Do Anything Like That, But I Wanna Be Your Boyfriend, Could We At Least Give It A Try?
Went An Played Tennis With Mum, Dad Came Home Then We Went Shop, I Was Nervous The Whole Day For Cassie's Reply, Then She Did.
Cassie (2:09pm):My boyfriend....?
Radocto (2:44pm):Yea, If You Want?
Cassie (2:47pm):I don't know really what to say right nowI love you so much, but my heart can't go through something like thatEarlier today you were ready to just forget about me .-.
Radocto (2:50pm):Why Not?You'll Neva Know Unless You Try
Cassie (2:52pm):You're affections towards me in that way are merely just lust, we know so much about eachother but not everything. I think you're in love with the idea of me which frankly I'm not a good person rad. I'm really not and I don't want to hurt anynore then I already have
Radocto (2:53pm):No Its Not Lust, I Dont Know What It Is, But What I Do Know Is That I Really Care About You An I Like You Alot, So Why Not Be Your Boyfriend? :)
Cassie (2:56pm):I bed to go for a bit :'(I'm sorry I don't feel very good
Radocto (2:56pm):No Wait :O
Cassie (2:57pm):What?
Radocto (2:58pm):I Want You As Mine <3
Cassie (2:58pm):josh :(
Radocto (2:59pm):If You Dont Like Me In That Way Then okai, But If You Do Even A Little, Why Not?
Cassie (2:59pm):Im not even sure i like guys...
Radocto (2:59pm):okai then, its okai
Cassie (3:00pm):I have to go I'm passing out I'm not sure what it is, I just need to lay down and idk cry? I'm sorry I can't right now. Please take care goodbye
I Blocked Her So There Wont Be Any More Messages, I Just Wanna Forget As Quickly As Possible With No Reminders. Mai Heart Feels Like Its Been Stabbed Right Now, I Just Want To Cry :( Went Outside An Played Cards With Mum An Dad, It Was Hard To Keep It Together, But I Did It. Then I Assembled The Football Net We Got Todai While Mum An Dad Went Inside. I Couldnt Even Do That Right, Im Fucking Useless.
I Decided To Get Food Delieved Again As Im Feeling Down, I Got Chicken Nuggets, Chips, Vanilla Ice Cream An I Tried A Fish Cake For The First Time, It Was Nice. Mum Told Me Granny Got Annoyed At The Girl Who Was Taking Her Order Because She Kept Asking Stupid Questions. I Ate It While Watching The Football Match Between Argentina And Nigeria
I Chatted To Mai Best Friend, Gloria, I Always Go To Her When Im Sad. I Was Playing A Joke On Her An Making Her Believe Im Part Of The Illuminati, It Was Funny x)
Gloria (5:48pm):So u sold ur soul to the devil? :O
Radocto (5:48pm):lol Im Kidding x) I Know What It Is But Im Not Part Of It Haha :D
Gloria (5:51pm):Omg u jerk!!!!!! i thought u were in it.... :ONot kool..... >:(
Radocto (5:51pm):lol Noo Im Not, Even If I Was I Couldnt Tell You, So If I Was I Cant Say... Im Not Part Of It... But If I Was.. I Cant Say *Wink Wink* lol
Gloria Told Me That She Watched The Zodiac Silenced Video An Thought I Was Part Of The Illuminati From That, She Also Said I Made A Prettier Chick Than Her lmao Then She Asked This
Gloria (5:58pm):Can i ask something dont ge mad... The way u looked in that dress looked a lil to comffy are u bi ? or confused u no tat question was comming.....
Went Outside An Listened To Some Lana Del Rey While Mum An Dad Took Willow An Candy For A Walk, Then Me An Dad Played Halo While Mum Baked A Cake. After That I Had A Bath An When I Got Out I Set Up The Cards For Us To Play, I Cheated An Put Mai Hand As One Whole Run So I Could Get Out In The First Turn, It Was Awesome An It Made Me Laugh :D
Then Me An Dad Kept Stealing Coins Secretly From Mum, I Said "Look At Candy!" To Make Mum Look Away, An Luckily, Mum Found What Eva Candy Was Doing Funny An Started Laughing, Me An Dad Quickly Took Coins While She Was Looking Away. We All Were Laughing Uncontrolably But Mum Was Laughing Because Of Candy An Thought We Was Too, But We Were Laughing Because Mum Had No Idea We Took Her Coins :))
Wokie Up: 25th June, 11:00amSlept At: 26th June, 12:00am
Wokie Up An Layed With Candy Before Having A Bath, I Couldnt Put Mai Arms Under The Water They Were Burning So Bad From The Sun Burn, I Couldnt Sleep Well Either Because Of It :(
Cassie (12:30am):I'm sorry :(
Radocto (11:41pm):Its Not Important
Cassie (11:43pm):Yes it is!!
Radocto (11:44pm):Not To Me
Cassie (11:53pm):Oh :(I should go :/
Radocto (11:53pm):I Think So Too
Cassie (11:55pm):But let me say this
I Care About Her But Its All One Sided, I Neva Feel Anything From Her An She's Given Her Heart To Someone On Ourworld Who She's Apparently Dating. It Hurts But Its Nothing I Havent Felt An Gotten Ova Before With A List As Long As Mai Arm.
Cassie (12:07pm):What have I done to hurt you Rad? I mean I know I've fallen asleep, and I know I'm not the best at responding but things have been happening. I'm been "getting help" I have people watch me eat, I spend my days at local clinics, they draw my blood constantly to make sure I'm okay, there are so many bruises on my arms. I've just been busy, I'm on like medications now, I don't even know what's really me and what's not me. I still throw up probably even more so, I've gained weight and that's scaring me. I just feel so lost, most days I throw my phone in a drawer and just go to a other room and keep to myself. I like you a lot, but as a friend. I can't fall in love with anyone right now, I don't and can't handle it. My dad walked out when I was younger, my mom left him because he was doing inappropriate things to me. I blamed myself growing up, that I hurt my mom so much because of my dad's affections towards me. Another guy came and walked out, my whole childhood was guys coming in and leaving their scars and then leaving. I lost control, I don't have control I don't even know what to think anymore. This is probably a reason o developed this, feeling like I have no control. I honestly wish I did. I never meant to hurt you, I've grown up around hurt I guess I don't know. I'm not a good friend to have okay? I've been through to much to ever be a friend to anyone. I don't know how to have friends, I'm depressed. I'm just always upset, and I like keeping to myself. Idk that's me I guess, don't talk to me, okay but don't hate me? Idk bye ?
Radocto (12:15pm):Maybe You Should Have Told Me You Like Me Only As A Friend Instead Of Leading Me On, I Understand Your Going Through Alot An I've Tried So Hard To Help But You Dont Let Me In, Do You Eva Wonder What Im Going Through? Do You Know I Cry Each Day? Or That I Constantly Want To Slash Mai Wrists? Or That Every Night Before I Sleep I Pretend Your The Teddy I Cuddle? This Happens To Everyone I Care About, There's Been Six Girls I Got Close To This Year Alone An Everyone Has Hurt Me An Left Me Alone
Cassie (12:24pm):I thought you knew? I didn't mean to lead you on, I know I tell you I love you which I do. But I'm not so sure I'm In love, I won't let myself do that. I know forgive and forget and move on. Well my dad practically raped me. I still have night mares about it. I literally if I'm ever with someone I get so paranoid their going to leave, or take advantage of me, or hurt me. I can't. I really do love you so much. You mean so much to me. You really do. I never wanted to hurt you, I'm sorry. I'm just sorry.
Radocto (12:27pm):Damn you
Cassie (12:32pm):I don't know what to say :/
Radocto (12:32pm):Nothing To Say, Thats It, Bye!
Cassie (12:35pm):Fine.Bye.I'm sorry I hurt you that muh
Cassie (12:44pm):I have to go. Please don't cut yourself or cry. It's not worth it just please you'll find someone I promise you I know you will. An amazing girl. Just take care. I'll never forget about you (: Take care! Bye
Started To Feel Really Down, It Hurt Alot When She Said She Liked Me Only As A Friend, I Really Feel Like Crying, I Dont Know Whats Right An Whats Wrong Anymore :( Another One Gone, I Should Just Die.
I Went Outside On The Seat An Put On Mai Dark Glasses, I Cried A Little. Then I Started Thinking That She Needs Someone More Than Eva Now, So I Went Back Inside An Sent Her A Message.
Radocto (1:10pm):I Dont Want To Go, I Want To Stay An Help You The Best I Can With Your Bulimia An Insecurities, Im Not Here To Use You Or Hurt You, You Can Trust Me. Your Right, I Did Find An Amazing Girl An She's You, I Really Love You An I Know You Think You Cant Do Anything Like That, But I Wanna Be Your Boyfriend, Could We At Least Give It A Try?
Went An Played Tennis With Mum, Dad Came Home Then We Went Shop, I Was Nervous The Whole Day For Cassie's Reply, Then She Did.
Cassie (2:09pm):My boyfriend....?
Radocto (2:44pm):Yea, If You Want?
Cassie (2:47pm):I don't know really what to say right nowI love you so much, but my heart can't go through something like thatEarlier today you were ready to just forget about me .-.
Radocto (2:50pm):Why Not?You'll Neva Know Unless You Try
Cassie (2:52pm):You're affections towards me in that way are merely just lust, we know so much about eachother but not everything. I think you're in love with the idea of me which frankly I'm not a good person rad. I'm really not and I don't want to hurt anynore then I already have
Radocto (2:53pm):No Its Not Lust, I Dont Know What It Is, But What I Do Know Is That I Really Care About You An I Like You Alot, So Why Not Be Your Boyfriend? :)
Cassie (2:56pm):I bed to go for a bit :'(I'm sorry I don't feel very good
Radocto (2:56pm):No Wait :O
Cassie (2:57pm):What?
Radocto (2:58pm):I Want You As Mine <3
Cassie (2:58pm):josh :(
Radocto (2:59pm):If You Dont Like Me In That Way Then okai, But If You Do Even A Little, Why Not?
Cassie (2:59pm):Im not even sure i like guys...
Radocto (2:59pm):okai then, its okai
Cassie (3:00pm):I have to go I'm passing out I'm not sure what it is, I just need to lay down and idk cry? I'm sorry I can't right now. Please take care goodbye
I Blocked Her So There Wont Be Any More Messages, I Just Wanna Forget As Quickly As Possible With No Reminders. Mai Heart Feels Like Its Been Stabbed Right Now, I Just Want To Cry :( Went Outside An Played Cards With Mum An Dad, It Was Hard To Keep It Together, But I Did It. Then I Assembled The Football Net We Got Todai While Mum An Dad Went Inside. I Couldnt Even Do That Right, Im Fucking Useless.
I Decided To Get Food Delieved Again As Im Feeling Down, I Got Chicken Nuggets, Chips, Vanilla Ice Cream An I Tried A Fish Cake For The First Time, It Was Nice. Mum Told Me Granny Got Annoyed At The Girl Who Was Taking Her Order Because She Kept Asking Stupid Questions. I Ate It While Watching The Football Match Between Argentina And Nigeria
I Chatted To Mai Best Friend, Gloria, I Always Go To Her When Im Sad. I Was Playing A Joke On Her An Making Her Believe Im Part Of The Illuminati, It Was Funny x)
Gloria (5:48pm):So u sold ur soul to the devil? :O
Radocto (5:48pm):lol Im Kidding x) I Know What It Is But Im Not Part Of It Haha :D
Gloria (5:51pm):Omg u jerk!!!!!! i thought u were in it.... :ONot kool..... >:(
Radocto (5:51pm):lol Noo Im Not, Even If I Was I Couldnt Tell You, So If I Was I Cant Say... Im Not Part Of It... But If I Was.. I Cant Say *Wink Wink* lol
Gloria Told Me That She Watched The Zodiac Silenced Video An Thought I Was Part Of The Illuminati From That, She Also Said I Made A Prettier Chick Than Her lmao Then She Asked This
Gloria (5:58pm):Can i ask something dont ge mad... The way u looked in that dress looked a lil to comffy are u bi ? or confused u no tat question was comming.....
Went Outside An Listened To Some Lana Del Rey While Mum An Dad Took Willow An Candy For A Walk, Then Me An Dad Played Halo While Mum Baked A Cake. After That I Had A Bath An When I Got Out I Set Up The Cards For Us To Play, I Cheated An Put Mai Hand As One Whole Run So I Could Get Out In The First Turn, It Was Awesome An It Made Me Laugh :D
Then Me An Dad Kept Stealing Coins Secretly From Mum, I Said "Look At Candy!" To Make Mum Look Away, An Luckily, Mum Found What Eva Candy Was Doing Funny An Started Laughing, Me An Dad Quickly Took Coins While She Was Looking Away. We All Were Laughing Uncontrolably But Mum Was Laughing Because Of Candy An Thought We Was Too, But We Were Laughing Because Mum Had No Idea We Took Her Coins :))
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