Diary (1) February 11, 2024
February 11, 2024
5:23 p.m.
The last time I wrote a diary was thirty years ago. I remember I was in the mental hospital for about four days, and quite a few patients and myself were in group therapies. I was very annoyed by this one young Hawaiian male psychologist who led the therapy and forced everyone to attend the group therapy. He annoyed everyone else or most of the patients with how he talked. I can't remember exactly what he said but it was some put-downs constantly. So one morning I decided I would not join the therapy and sat in the lobby area while the other patients were having their group therapy. For some reason, I couldn't just stay in my room. I was not allowed to. The bossy no people skilled psychologist came to me and told me if I wanted to sit by myself, he wanted me to write journals, and he gave me a blank notebook and a pen. I was fine with it. After I left the treatment I continued to write the diaries (journals) and turned them into prayer journals. Today I am writing the prayer journals almost daily, sometimes many times a day. I am thinking I will try writing personal diaries but will not delete them like I did with prayer journals. The reason why I want to try writing diaries is because of the feeling of disconnection from people outside home and the horrible lonely feelings I feel. When I write prayer journals I direct my words to God. In my diaries, I will be talking pretty much to myself. I guess that is what a diary is. So here's my first diary of the year 2024.
February 11, 2024
5:41 p.m.
I feel less ill today after getting a lot of sleep the past two days. I thought I might have covid but it could just be a sinus infection that made me sleepy all the time; besides, I stayed up late watching short American movies before I started to feel sick. The cold weather and my constantly exposing myself to the cold, sitting in the car while warming up the car's engine, for instance, could have contributed to the sinus flu symptoms.
I woke up at about ten in the morning today and mopped the bathroom and the kitchen floors and cleaned the toilet and vanity. It is embarrassing but true that I didn't mop the bathroom and kitchen floors I believe over two months. There is very little space on the floors because of the clutter. When an area got dirty, I used damped toilet paper to clean it off. It felt much better to officially mop those floors today, and what inspired me to do it was there was an area next to the toilet bowl that was messed up by the water that overflowed from the toilet bowl. I cleaned it up with damped paper towels but felt it was about time to clean the whole bathroom and kitchen floors, and I hope I can keep up with it regularly.
I looked at ebay and mercari as usual and bought one more mini OG (Our Generation) doll then I took a short nap and prepared some bill payments and plan to get ..."daughter's name"... to write the checks for the seven bills. It is five minutes to six p.m. now. I think I want to cook the rice pilaf, not sure that is what it is called. I will have to move the stuff on top of stop away to be able to cook it, and I plan to fry some eggs to go with it.
It is more difficult to talk to myself (writing diaries) than writing prayer journals. I don't have to think much when I talk to God, I think it must be because I feel He already knows what I am going to say and know my life situations. Writing diaries is like writing to an invisible audience. I feel exhausted already writing my first diary. I think I will go to do the cooking. We have not had the eggs for quite some time. I am hungry.
Replies
I know what you mean about the floor mopping. When I get overloaded routine cleaning is one of the first things to go and I spot/mess clean. Good for you for mopping the floors! Glad God is giving you the energy you need to get stuff done.
I hope you all enjoyed the rice with the eggs (was it kind of like the fried rice at the grocery store deli or not really?).
It is dry rice with a package of powder in a box. I threw green beans from the can with the fried eggs. I got the front and back parts of the stove mixed up so the eggs are a little bit overdone. I have limited cooking skills. The eggs are still eatable. The rice turned out fine.
I still have a lot to do with decluttering our house. One of the things I need to do is reprogram my brain to believe that donating things to thrift stores is okay and a good decent thing to do. I think writing diaries will help me feel better. When I write prayer journals, they are mostly repetitions of thanking God for this and that and asking Him for help. Then with faith, I believe God is there and listening to what I say to Him.
I hope you are doing well and ready for the new week. I don't know what is going on with our car that still sits in the shop. They have not called me yet. If the problem is the transmission or engine, we may have to look for a different car since this car is seventeen years old.
Thanks for explaining how it came about that you got into writing prayer journals, and now you want to write personal diaries. I find it hard to talk to myself too, when there is not audience, as with a diary. At least if you post them here, you will have an audience. Good job getting the mopping done, and I hope you start feeling better soon. God bless!
Thank you for replying to my journal where I posted my first diary. I hope you are doing well. I wrote my second diary in my yahoo draft but there is not much in it so I didn't share it. It was just me complaining about the down moods. I caught the flu and it lasted for many days. I feel better today. The car repair shop I took our car to has had it sitting in their backyard for ten days and still has not had time to look at it. It snowed today. I am wondering whether the cold weather has killed the battery. I am feeling stressed out about this car situation and have had to reschedule a lot of appointments and don't know whether the car will cost too much to repair. Getting a different car at this point will be stressful financially. I hope you and your family are doing well.
I'm very sorry you had the flue for several days. I know that can be very miserable, and I'm glad you are starting to feel better. That stinks that the car repair shop hasn't gotten to your vehicle, and now you are concerned that the cold weather may have killed the battery. That would stress me out too, and I really hope they get to it soon, and that it can be repaired at a reasonable price, and that you don't need a new vehicle. I pray it all works out for you. Hugs!