Dialectical Behavior Therapy.... hmm?

DBT. I've never heard of it before. But i just checked out this book and think it might help ME deal w/ my emotions. i have a lot of BPD traits like mwcm and I've worked hard to gain skills w/ AFG.... but this could really help. 

Finding a Life worth Living.... 

some ppl see only one door to the way out of depression. it's the door w/ the light shining underneath. it's the suicide door. they are not able to see that there are other doors out of the room of depression. but if you camp out at the suicide door, you will never find the other ways out. 

Ppl w/ bpd are considered as manipulative and angry. they are are seen as difficult. that's bc they ARE. HOLY SHIT>.... that's the truth of it. 

BPD: have intense feelings and emotions and their emotions are invalidated by others. Hmm i think this happened to mwm bc she does that to me. She's learned it. she has mentioned it. her emotions have always been off the chart either good or bad. they swing very wide. and very quickly. 

2. accept myself and my experiences. call them what they are. i was verbally abused and manipulated and spiritually abused as a child. and it still continues w/ mwcm today. and my feelings are called stupid. call it what it is to me. my feels may not be facts but they are what they are. they are mine. 

3. learn how to manage and tolerate emotions. navigate relationships. pay attention to the present moment. 

4. BPD's are doing the best they can. but to live a happy life ... they MUST change. And to have healthy relationships w/ others, they must change their behaviors. 

5. "when you react, your emotions are very strong and they don't go away easily"... you were born this way. the problem is, no one ever taught you HOW to deal w/ these emotions. and were berated when you got upset about things. 

Hyper emotional sensitivity: a reaction of small annoyance feels like a stab in the gut. they feel things good / bad very very strongly and react very strongly...  which is very difficult for ppl around them bc it is so extreme. 

Emotions are very very intense towards other ppl Also, it takes a long time for feelings such as anger to go away. they linger for a very long time....and others are left to suffer until they decide to come to reason. they go OUT of reason / like a drunk person/ very very easily. you cannot communicate w/ a person with this kind of intensity when they are upset or mad, which is very often any more bc they are so caught up in their emotions they cannot hear you ... they are not capable. they are mentally ill. 

Invalidating Environment: told you are wrong for the emotions you are having. told you are overreacting. told your emotions are stupid. ignored or told to get over it. A place where your emotions are not taken seriously. mwcm's home is not a safe place for me. my emotions are not validated there. they do not "match" mcm's emotions and they threaten her sense of being abandoned. so i'm told they are stupid. which then makes me leave. "well, you're probably going to leave any way.... " 

But when bpd's get very emotional and very angry, ppl around them do not know HOW to deal w/ it or do not want to deal with it. so they leave. That's what i do. i just leave and want them removed from my life. 

I am told to stop feeling what i am feeling. that my emotions are stupid. that i am wrong to have my emotions or thoughts. that's why i do not express them at cwm's house. i am not "real" there. she can't handle the real me.... listening to kirten music, burning sage, blahblahblah. i was listening to opera one time and she said What is THAT??? like it was disgusting. her reaction to it was strong. and so i don't play my music there any more. i was hurt. ive been hurt by many of her overreactive. 

Dialectical?: the balance between emotions, work, social life, family... not letting things get out of balance in life. not letting emotions control but manage them to get good direction. 

Mindfulness: staying in the moment. stating just the FACTS about the situation / learn to separate the fact and the feeling so that it can be evaluated more carefully and managed. feelings aren't facts. 

focus on one thing at a time. doing one thing at a time. 

I am washing the dishes. I am reading a book and taking notes. I am trying to dissolve my anger. i am trying to keep from being worried. i am trying to help myself this moment. 

A BPD's relationships are : stormy, chaotic, broken, distressing, and unfulfilling.

The only relationship i have trouble with is mscm and sometimes mdofab. those are the only ones. 

cbw has problems w/ sisters, neighbor, many ppl at work, the students / she yells and screams at them / principals, other teachers, ppl in town "i hate this town and the ppl here".... they won't come stay the night w/ me / friends . doesn't respect their boundaries. they don't stay long enough when they come to visit / my son won't come fix my tv / always w/ her husband / neighbors and neighbor's kids that live out of town / and many relatives by marriage. all of those ppl have been cut out of the picture. all friends but one have been cut out of the picture but one and she's mad at her right now. 

Tolerance skills are about getting thru the situation until it is over.... for at least now and NOT making teh situation worse. I lack this w/ cbm. 

Accepting reality for what it is. 

BPD's sometimes do not remember what they said or did after an episode of extreme emotion. They always feel EMPTY inside. Explains the hoarding and constant buying for mcbm.