Devastated
Next Friday would be my sweet Jennifer's 51st birthday and it will be exactly 6 months since she passed away in my arms. How can the pain still feel so unbearable? . I will be splitting Jennifers ashes and giving her family half. I realize that she was my reason for living in so many ways. many days I can barely stand to be awake. I just keep going to work 5 days a week, eating and sleeping. I am still so obsessed with pictures of her and wrote a tribute for her celebration of life that I I spent so many hours writing and and feel there's no way to do justice and honor her with enough praise. I feel that she was a big part of my identity and I do not know who or why I am. I do have a very good counselor who I see every week but I am still heartbroken and just generally sad so often. Seeing couples walking around the neighborhood is so painful to see everyday. I know there are many others out there who are hurting and I just wanted to share my feelings.
Replies
D.Jay I have not posted on here in a while because like you I am devastated. The only difference is I don't have a job or counselor . My loss is almost 6 months old and there are days I feel worse than when it first happened. I am not sure why that is . Maybe because all of the numbness is gone and all that is left is raw awareness. I do still have a few days that are not as painful but then the bad days come and I feel like I can not breath. I like you can not say enough about the awesome man I was married to. I don't know if there is any comfort in this but you are not alone in what you feel. Posted this on FB and somehow it takes the sting out for a little while. I am wishing you a day of peace and comfort. Hugs ,Angela
.https://www.facebook.com/AuthorMJRose/photos/a.182107391837056.40502.168238353223960/848812155166573/?type=3&theater
Seems the link didn't work sorry about that
Thank you for your kind understanding words. Tomorrow is the day I spoke about. I woke up feeling just sick this morning. My sister said as hard as it would have been for her and my mother she knows it would have been a blessing if Jennifer and i had died together in a car accident and she had even verbalized that to my mom a couple of weeks before Jennifer died when Jennifer and I were driving back from Seattle together. Somehow I am continuing to move forward but the pain is often unbearable. I had it so great and I want to have a great again but that is impossible to imagine at this point.