Desperately sad 3-28-13
Here it is, Maundy Thursday, and I feel so sad I cannot seem to contain the level of my despair.
Went to Maundy Services tonight and couldn't kneel because my legs hurt so bad; getting up and down was like a serious work out.
Tomorrow is Good Friday with a noon service and I'm afraid the day is going to go like today.
My knees feel like there is gelatin moving around in them, my upper arms and hands are in such pain I can hardly type this. The front of my legs feel all wobbly which makes me wobbly.
Everyone is coming here for Easter and I don't know how I'm going to get through that day. I'll go to the 11 am service which will last just shy of 1 1/2 hours, then family around 2. If it was today I wouldn't have been able to do anything.
I am so angry, anxious, depressed. The three little steps up to the altar of the church for communion seemed terribly steep tonight. Getting back down them was scary as all get out as I was afraid I was going to fall. Bless my husband. He never let go of me.
And because I couldn't kneel like I always do, but did what is affectionately known as a 'pew perch' where your knees are on the kneeling pad and your butt is on the pew, my husband did the same thing.
One thing I do know is I am very, very lucky to have a husband who, though he can't fully understand what I'm going through, is always there for whatever help he can give me.
I love my church. I love the liturgy, the vestments, the prayers. I am beginning to wonder if God is hearning me anymore...
Went to Maundy Services tonight and couldn't kneel because my legs hurt so bad; getting up and down was like a serious work out.
Tomorrow is Good Friday with a noon service and I'm afraid the day is going to go like today.
My knees feel like there is gelatin moving around in them, my upper arms and hands are in such pain I can hardly type this. The front of my legs feel all wobbly which makes me wobbly.
Everyone is coming here for Easter and I don't know how I'm going to get through that day. I'll go to the 11 am service which will last just shy of 1 1/2 hours, then family around 2. If it was today I wouldn't have been able to do anything.
I am so angry, anxious, depressed. The three little steps up to the altar of the church for communion seemed terribly steep tonight. Getting back down them was scary as all get out as I was afraid I was going to fall. Bless my husband. He never let go of me.
And because I couldn't kneel like I always do, but did what is affectionately known as a 'pew perch' where your knees are on the kneeling pad and your butt is on the pew, my husband did the same thing.
One thing I do know is I am very, very lucky to have a husband who, though he can't fully understand what I'm going through, is always there for whatever help he can give me.
I love my church. I love the liturgy, the vestments, the prayers. I am beginning to wonder if God is hearning me anymore...
Replies
I am sorry you are sad. God doesn\'t care if you can kneel or not. Do the best you can do and don\'t let it bother you. I can\'t even get down on my one knee and it would be torture getting up, I don\'t let it worry me what others think, we all have our burdens and our bodies are ours.
I know that feeling of doubt at times, then I try to focus on the blessings in my life. Good husband, good children and grandchildren
I don\'t understand why we have to live in constant pain, while it seems some very evil people never know pain and a happy life. Or there are good people who have everything good in life. Guess we just got the wrong roll of the dice.
We just have I concentrate on the good things we have in life. We do have alot of good things in life, our pain makes us forget at times.
I hope you have a good weekend.
Blessings to you, my friend! Happy Easter!