Desperate.
I NEED to ge to at least 120 lbs. by the time I graduate. It's not an option. I am willing to do almost anything to loose this weight.
For the past two weeks I have been trying not to eat. Just to make it through one day. In the morning I'll have a cracker after I take my meds, but that's just to get the taste out of my mouth. I can go the whole day without eating, then dinner comes around... I don't know... It's half my lack of self restraint and half I don't know what to do around my family.
This is so crazy... I have never been one of those girls that hates their bodies. Well, I wouldn't go as far as hate, I'm just not happy with it. And ALL of my friends have perfect figures. Then there's me. The 5ft. 138 pound failure. I compare myself to them all the time and it drives me crazy!
I know I'm not ugly. I AM pretty and unique. But I'm not thin. I won't make you do a double take. I'm just another girl walking in the mall... Average.
Ugh... Average. I hate that word and everything it stands for. I might as well be dead. The only thing keeping me here is my dreams.. and my gorgeous head of hair. That's what makes me different and wonderful. My future. The one where I'm happy and people think, wow, I could have had her.
One day I'll break your neck. One day I'll be amazing. One day I'll be happy.
For the past two weeks I have been trying not to eat. Just to make it through one day. In the morning I'll have a cracker after I take my meds, but that's just to get the taste out of my mouth. I can go the whole day without eating, then dinner comes around... I don't know... It's half my lack of self restraint and half I don't know what to do around my family.
This is so crazy... I have never been one of those girls that hates their bodies. Well, I wouldn't go as far as hate, I'm just not happy with it. And ALL of my friends have perfect figures. Then there's me. The 5ft. 138 pound failure. I compare myself to them all the time and it drives me crazy!
I know I'm not ugly. I AM pretty and unique. But I'm not thin. I won't make you do a double take. I'm just another girl walking in the mall... Average.
Ugh... Average. I hate that word and everything it stands for. I might as well be dead. The only thing keeping me here is my dreams.. and my gorgeous head of hair. That's what makes me different and wonderful. My future. The one where I'm happy and people think, wow, I could have had her.
One day I'll break your neck. One day I'll be amazing. One day I'll be happy.
Replies
Hello,
I know when you read you\'ll probably not think about it twice and think yeah that\'s what they all say. But I thought I\'d share it with you anyway. (none of this is saying you\'re fat by the way!! It\'s just a quote from J.K Rowling)
\'I mean, is \'fat\' really the worst thing a human being can be? Is \'fat\' worse than \'vindictive\', \'jealous\', \'shallow\', \'vain\', \'boring\' or \'cruel\'? Not to me\'
She then goes on to talk about how it\'s sad that nowadays we get recognized by our size instead of who we are. She talks about how stupid it is that the first thing said to her by someone she hadn\'t seen in years was that she looked thinner. When in the years in which she hadn\'t seen her she had written the next harry potter book and had a child!
What I am trying to get at here is that there are more important things in life than how we look (: Like how we feel, who we are and what we do (:
You need to look after yourself (: Because you know what, you have to live with yourself 24/7. And so take notice in your achievements I think it is an achievement losing all that weight but there are other things which are more important and that you should reward yourself for (Like maybe one day your mood id a bit better, or your anxiety a bit less, or maybe you got out of bed in the morning easier, or was able to go shopping!)
Make sure you look after yourself. Eat your meals (it\'s important to eat! You can still eat and lose weight - just choose healthy options) Because eating is looking after you. Your mood, I have discovered, and your outlook on the day can be altered so much by making sure you eat. We need it to fuel us and to survive.(: I have found that not eating makes my anxiety energy and general mood way way way worse.
(: