Despair

I cry for the mountains to fall on me. I gnash my teeth at others' unrighteous blessings. I wonder to myself if I am in hell already... is hell a state of mind? Is hell right here in front of us and I visit it without physical death? Or am I in for a treat if I think this is bad and the real hell awaits around the corner... I am lost, I need a hero, I need someone who can communicate truth, but what is truth? I am left in darkness and I have such despair.... am I really holding out for another day when I know my days are surely numbered and the next day will bring more sorrow? Is my agony just? I have difficulty listening to music's piercing chords and social networking has never had appeal to me... if someone were to sit with me they would see my heart breaking every moment... I am either perfect for this world or not meant for it... I am lost and fighting through to another sunrise brings me no comfort... I don't understand my purpose or direction. I don't want to be here in this maze.