Desolate

I have been having a difficult couple of weeks.  I can't stop crying.  I have been able to keep it together while out with friends but as soon as I am home, all I want to do is cry.  Another Valentines Day without Lisa.  She loved to bake and decorate cakes - she had a business for awhile making custom cakes.  So today they would have had a beautiful heart shaped cake.  Harvey would have gotten her chocolate and roses (her favourite flower). They would have gone out for dinner as a family.  Instead, she is in Heaven and Harvey and Cevyn had the lady I don't like and her 2 girls for dinner.  It doesn't particularly bother me any more as he is not as fond of her any more.  I think he is realizing that Lisa was right - she is a user.  He also has been spending time with one of Lisa's friends.  Both Cevyn and I like Beth!  In fact she helped Lisa and Harvey plan their wedding.
My husband is getting worried about me.  He asked me today if I thought I should go back to work.  I am inclined to think I should.  It might help me get past this blue funk.  I know it isn't a fix it.  I know it can't be fixed. 
I have a history of depression and am on antidepressants.  It always gets worse in the winter due to the lack of sunshine.  Whatever, I know I will survive but it sure isn't easy.
We are going to Vancouver Island next week.  I usually feel peaceful by the ocean.
I miss you terribly Lisa - my daughter and my best friend.  I hope you are happy and at peace in Heaven.