Desiring Happiness

I used to be so happy. What happened to me? How did I get here? I feel like I was so much more happy when I smoked weed. I hate that I feel that way, but I'm just being honest. It's been so long now, I don't know if it would even make me feel better or not. I don't want to try because I don't think God would approve. I want to live my life for God. I want to stay on the right path. Sometimes I think having a baby would make me happy. Other times I think it wouldn't. I want to know God's will for my life. How am I supposed to know? It's so hard. I wish I was happy.