Descending

I fear i am in a depression I will not be able to lose this time.  I have gone without counseling now for several months d/t no insurance and not sure how I'm going to work thru this.  I have lost a very good friend..potentially a partner.  I couldn't get past my fear and move forward and I have lost this person.  I find myself just wanting to be alone.  I have isolated myself from everyone.  My best friend is upset because I can't come Easter.  I just started a new job and my boss is going out of town and I feel I need to stay close in case something happens.  Also, I couldn't get the Friday off before.  I have tried to explain to this friend I lost that women of a certain age have to think about their options.  MY ex moved me 10 times in 16 years and I have been wanting to settle down.  My current situation is not ideal and contributing to my depression.  I'm just lost.