DESIRE
In a class I am taking, we have been asked to list our desires from the smallest desire (going to the bathroom. brushing teeth, etc. to our greatest desires). The group I am in, many people have found this a difficult challenge. Desire...what do I desire. Upon awakening we are to place our hand on our heart, plant our feet on the floor and ask "what is it I really want." Then throughout the day, we are to ask "what do I truly desire, what do I really want." The answers are not to be *head* answers, but *heart* answers. Whatever comes is to be accepted with innocence and non-judgment. Innocence and non-judgment.
Like I said, I have really struggled with this and this past week I was shown possibly why. As a child, I had many desires and those desires were ALWAYS TAKEN from me. They were never honored; never acknowledged. WHY WOULD I TRUST *DESIRE* NOW!!!!! All desire had ever done for me was lead to heartache and disappointment. WHAT A GIFT I HAVE BEEN GIVEN; THE UNDERSTANDING OF WHY IT IS SO HARD FOR ME TO *DESIRE.*
This morning as I embraced, without judgment, that broken, non-trusting, unworthy girl/woman/adult, I saw all the many ways she had and still does sabotage herself because she didn't trust she was worthy of anything she wanted. LOVE HURT AND SHE WASN'T GOING THERE. I am willing to allow her to feel and I am willing to let her know she is worthy of her heart desires. After consoling myself, I placed hand one heart and asked what is it I truly want; what is it I truly desire, Trust and Truth came to heart. I want to Trust the Truth that I am not separate from God, but part of God and I desire to remember God is simply waiting for me to return to this place where I have separated myself because of learned behaviors.
I am so much better, but I have noticed when I get what I desire, I unconsciously sabotage...Like I said, what a wonderful awareness; now...it will make a shift and I am really excited about that!!
Happy Wednesday. My sweet RoRo is on his way to my house!
Vicki xx
P.S.
On a very sad note, two weeks ago my son's ex-wife's son, Devin, took his life. He was 14 yrs. old. There has been much grief for all involved. My son raised that sweet child for 6yrs. and I was g'ma for the same. Prayers for all would be appreciated..
Like I said, I have really struggled with this and this past week I was shown possibly why. As a child, I had many desires and those desires were ALWAYS TAKEN from me. They were never honored; never acknowledged. WHY WOULD I TRUST *DESIRE* NOW!!!!! All desire had ever done for me was lead to heartache and disappointment. WHAT A GIFT I HAVE BEEN GIVEN; THE UNDERSTANDING OF WHY IT IS SO HARD FOR ME TO *DESIRE.*
This morning as I embraced, without judgment, that broken, non-trusting, unworthy girl/woman/adult, I saw all the many ways she had and still does sabotage herself because she didn't trust she was worthy of anything she wanted. LOVE HURT AND SHE WASN'T GOING THERE. I am willing to allow her to feel and I am willing to let her know she is worthy of her heart desires. After consoling myself, I placed hand one heart and asked what is it I truly want; what is it I truly desire, Trust and Truth came to heart. I want to Trust the Truth that I am not separate from God, but part of God and I desire to remember God is simply waiting for me to return to this place where I have separated myself because of learned behaviors.
I am so much better, but I have noticed when I get what I desire, I unconsciously sabotage...Like I said, what a wonderful awareness; now...it will make a shift and I am really excited about that!!
Happy Wednesday. My sweet RoRo is on his way to my house!
Vicki xx
P.S.
On a very sad note, two weeks ago my son's ex-wife's son, Devin, took his life. He was 14 yrs. old. There has been much grief for all involved. My son raised that sweet child for 6yrs. and I was g'ma for the same. Prayers for all would be appreciated..
Replies
that is so sad to hear of a young person taking their life.
that is important....being willing
neat exercise....
I understand sabotaging what we get.. For me it was and is that I feel I don\'t deserve it sometimes. a work in progress.
hugs & love to you
Vicki,
Understanding where our behaviors come from is very important. And of equal, if not more important, is allowing the feelings to surface and to embrace them with love, understanding and forgiveness.
I get that you are doing just that. Happy you!
So terribly, terribly sad to hear of suicides, particularly young ones who become overwhelmed with their pain. Prayers for him wherever he might be and for you all.
xx
My prayers are for your family and Devin xxxx
This is a good exercise for us all to practise. I too am embracing that hurt child within in me who had a lot of her hopes dashed. Xx
it is always sad no matter why one takes their own life, but to be so young, only makes it harder to understand. so very sorry to hear about your step grandson. prayers for your son and yourself vicki.
Thank-you, thank-you everyone! xx