Depression

I'm laying here in bed just thinking about everything I've done wrong. How I screwed up being a manger for basketball. How I just am a worthless piece of trash floating in the wind. I think about how everyone says they are here for me and they aren't. How easy it is for me not to want to be around anyone. For me to want to sit here and cry myself to sleep at night. How I can be so upset yet no one notices with my innocent fake smile. How? How can someone not realize you feel like dying inside. You feel like you're the worst person alive. Just think...maybe if we had someone we wouldn't feel this way...yet I have no one. It's okay though, everyone says it'll get better right? Yeah sure. Being told that since 2nd grade makes it lose the point. I'm not a happy person. I'm a depressed person living in a happy person's body and no one notices. No one notices the pain inside my voice when talking. Not even my own blood family. Life sucks especially when your own family couldn't give 2 craps about you or anything about you or anything you're interested in. Being thrown down by my family only makes it harder to climb out the the whole I dug.