Depressed

Feeling a little depressed today.  I didn't sleep well again last night.  Everytime I think "I'm doing ok, I don't need to take any medication to go to bed", I end up having a horrible nights sleep.  I wake up several times and think "My back is really hurting." But then I look at the clock and realize if I get up and take medication, I will be to groggy to drive in the moring.
I hate being dependent on drugs to keep my back pain under control.  But my only alternatives are to deal with a lot of pain, or go through another surgery & have a  fusion done.  Which takes so much time to recover from.  I work 2 part time jobs, neither of which have any vacation benefits.  If I had to leave for 2+ months, I would lose both jobs.  Not to mention the medical expenses of having the surgery done.  UGH, I feel trapped by my back pain.