~Depressed~
I was just recently informed that I have a spot on my vagina that is cancer and another spot that is precancer and they both have to be removed... I also have to have eye surgery or thyroid surgery whichever comes first... I live at home alone with my son and I never go anywhere. I have graves disease which makes it hard for me to go places and actually enjoy myself for the wind and the bright light aggivates my eyes and I am like so sick and tired of wearing huge sunglasses in order to block that light and the wind which may I add doesn't work. I know folks say that your not suppose to question GOD but I often wonder when will I get a break.. when will I be able to wake up happy and not have a worry in the world. I'll be able to leave my home wearing my regular eye glasses and just enjoy my day out in the public.. Im 32 years of age when will I be able to get my license and own my own car and actually drive without worrying that my eyes may water and blind me while im driving or the right one may go cross and cause me to wreck.. I have no idea what I am suppose to be here in this world for besides taking care of my son.. since I gave birth to my son my life has been spent in doors I dont go anywhere unless im paying bills, rent, or making groceries oh or going to my parents house which i do the same thing there as i do here at my home.. stay inside... all the friends that I had growing up have all went on with their lives having children, getting engaged and things of that nature.. im still single and have been since i was 26 years of age. That relationship lasted seven years....and it was one of the worst one's I was ever in...I just want to be loved and have someone in my home besides me and my son... I dont want him to grow up like me and spend his life indoors and let life slip by him... as though life is doing me... I have no friends to stand by me in all what Im going through all I have is GOD and granted he is all I need at this time but having a good friend would make things a lil easier to deal with but hey who am i to complain im sure there is someone out in the world who is going through something a lot worst than what Im going through...I just want to be happy and illness free.. I dont want to have anymore surgeries and i dont want my eyes to poke out of my head anymore i want to be able to go out doors and not have people thing im crying cause my eyes are so swollen from the night before and they are bulging out of my head....I just want happiness :(
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