Deposit: $50 Balance: $180

my weekend was amazing!  i'm only going to speak on the fireworks.  it happen on this last friday.  a female friend of mine and i hung out.  it was our intent to run together.  after we discussed it we both ended up being a nice-looking-couple casual.  she was dressed so pretty.  we parked away from our location so we could take a walk - my passion.  we talked and laughed.  i was grinning from cheek to cheek.  we ended up compromising on a restaurant she would like and one that had the play-offs on - yeah!  actually i was so engaged with her i rarely looked up at the game.  i felt like the luckiest guy in the world!  after eating we walked around the area.  it's an outside venue with a lot of clothing shops, restaurants, clubs, movie theatre, and condos.  it's a popular trendy place to be.  i normally avoid the populace.  we look great and people noticed.  i was beaming!
these are the days i crave for.  but the trauma rooted from the sexual child abuse empeded my growth.  it drove me mad, for i could see who i really should have been.  who i am suppose to be.  i faught to accept how happy i was and i desperately didn't want to let go of it.
it was because of my trip to see my best friend that i took to notice how tired i was of the prison my true vibrant self had been dwelling in.  back where i live i haven't enjoyed the company of others in years.  i hadn't been trying.  that's what i realized from my trip.  
I AM GRATEFUL THAT I FOUND THE COURAGE TO HAVE AN AMAZING NIGHT OUT ON THE TOWN WITH MY FEMALE FRIEND THAT I FELT ALIVE AND ENJOYED.  DEPOSIT: $50 (i can't tell you how confident and alive i was because it hasn't happen in a while.  i felt i was receiving all the good thoughts from others for reasons in my smile.)
i'm grateful for the beautiful weather.
i'm grateful for having a job.
i'm grateful for the warm wishes i feel from others.
Deposit: $50   Balance: $180