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i wasn't feeling well today.  i have this sharp pain that comes and goes on the top left side of my head.  i have some pressure in my left ear.  i think i have a cold or something is up with my teeth - cavity.  i'll check it out.  because i'm always thinking the worse - brain cancer.  LOL
i read this article the other day in the rolling stone magizine about a young surfer, clay marzo.  he has asperger's syndrome.  i read this book: look me in the eye.  it's about the syndrome.  i thought is was very interesting that the characteristics i suffer, from the trauma from the child molestation, are a lot similar to the characteristics of people who suffer from this type of autism.  clay marzo could be a bigger star but he battles with his disease.
last year i completed a yoga teaching course.  it really helped me with the stress from the trauma and my rigid demeanor.  i tried teaching but i start to freeze in front of people.  i have problems managing how i feel when people are watching me.  i know for me i have to practice a lot more than others so i can feel confident in what i do.
i received an email from a club where i want to teach yoga.  it was over a month ago when i gave them my resume.  i was so hype and full of confidence.  i stopped by the club twice to introduce myself and then i stopped.  i came up with all kinds of reasons why they didn't respond to my resume.   i responded to their email.  i hope i can find that confidence again.  i think they may ask me to demonstrate first before they decide to hire me.
i'm grateful for the email from a health club requesting an interview for a yoga instructor position.
i'm grateful to my friends who called me today.
i'm grateful that i am working.
i found the confidence to respond quickly to the email and confirmed an interview.  i found the confidence to get out in public.  i went to my favorite restaurant ate and watched the play-offs.  phx and sa won.  port and mav lost.  i was alone and i was comfortable.  i called my mother.  she can make me nervous sometimes.  she refuses to understand me.  i answered two phone calls today.  i normally wait to hear the msg on voicemail.
i received a call today.  the center i go to downsized.  i have a new therapist.  i could have freaked out.  it's been four years with the same therapist.  we have been talking about when i feel i could stop seeing him.  maybe i am getting close to the point where i can take good care of myself.  i'm going to meet up with this new therapist and see what happens.  i found the confidence not to get upset and act out because i was either scared or in the unfamiliar.
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