Department of Assistive and Rehabilitative Services

Even though tomorrow marks the first step in the process to determine eligibility for DARS , I am anxious and my spirit is shaken. They bumped up the psychological evaluation because I stressed my need for therapy. I can no longer handle this on my own. For a long time now, I haven't needed to because this amazing guy has been there for me every step of the way. Even though he can't do anything to physically improve the situation (still have shitty insurance, living situation, no meds and in a world of pain) but he has reminded me of the inner light and determination I used to have. More importantly, he enabled me to love again. And now, when this big important thing is scheduled tomorrow, he will likely not be around to hear the news of how it went afterwards because due to my telling him of ALL of my ailments, we now hang in the balance. I know it is silly of me to hope he will calmly tell me that I am silly and no amount of ailments could stop him from wanting to be with me but such is apparently not the case and once again, I let myself hope only to be severely let down. My entire body aches daily, my lungs more so than usual tonight, why does my heart have to ache as well? All I want is for him to ask if I am feeling better than last night (which he knows was awful) but... not a word from him. Sigh.