Deny, Deny, Deny
I think i am denying again, Every am and pm as i turn her hutch light on and off, I carress her urn, look at her pic and tell her good am or good pm, luv ya, miss ya ....... yet lately my mind is saying, why, she'll be home soon. I am avoiding all her friends, even thought need to tell her to dust her room, thinking it may be her when phone rings ...... it's like my brain knows but my heart just can't wrap around it, i am back to feeling like if i let myself feel and acknowledge this it will surely be to much and my heart will explode, not as intense as last time but still the same feelings. Well i have my wonderful hubby back(the sober one) and i have to keep reminding myself we've been here before so don't get my hopes up, but that's hard. Just trying to hang on and get thru, I keep reminding myself of one of my favorite sayings "this too shall pass" . Still have so much to do on getting rooms switched, wanted to be done by time Stephen gets home fri. but don't think that will happen, can't seem to get into it just poking along. Stephen is 15 after all, there may be things in his room i don't want to see(yea that's good we'll go with that), so he should be here to help go thru it anyway. Need to run arrands, hate going to town but i have put it off 2 days too long so.....luv and hugs to all and wishes for a good day/Nite
Replies
Processing the most horrible thing in the world...takes a long time. You DO move forward and then backwards a little...so do not have huge expectations. Remember baby steps... I am glad sober hubby is back...keep check on him...if you can...keep him from backsliding. Good luck my friend...love and hugs...Karen
This is a long process and it\'s a lot of hard work...this grief thing is something that will take us a very long time. Sometimes we take two steps forward and we are okay, other times we take two steps forward and three or four back. I\'m glad to hear that hubby is sober for the time being. I hope he can do it. Take Care, Love and Hugs.
I talk to my son all the time as if he were next to me. I won\'t say crazy but we do all sorts of things now that would have seemed crazy before this happened. No one understands it like we do here. Glad the hubby you love and understand is back. Hope it\'s to stay. Love Robin
Me too! I talk to Tony all the time. I cry everyday. I don\'t know if he can hear me, but I talk anyway. I think my mind is starting to slip. If I go completely crazy it would be better than living everyday like in misery. Grief is a long journey some of us will never complete.
I\'m right there with you, honey. Up, down, forward, back. Hugging you tight, love, Barbara
It amazes me sometimes how our minds work! I was laying in bed the other night trying to go to sleep and I guess I was dosing because this thought came to my mind and it was like I was saying/thinking I was telling some one that Josh had died and I jumped, my heart started racing I had this weired feeling and then I had to get up for awhile.....It\'s like one minute I\'ll be talking to someone about nothing and then all of the sudden I just start thinking Oh!!! my baby is really gone.it just sucks.I hope things work out with your hubby. hugs to you! hang in there. Love Tammy