Deny, Deny, Deny

  I think i am denying again, Every am and pm as i turn her hutch light on and off, I carress her urn, look at her pic and tell her good am or good pm, luv ya, miss ya .......  yet lately my mind is saying, why, she'll be home soon. I am avoiding all her friends, even thought need to tell her to dust her room, thinking it may be her when phone rings ...... it's like my brain knows but my heart just can't wrap around it, i am back to feeling like if i let myself feel and acknowledge this it will surely be to much and my heart will explode, not as intense as last time but still the same feelings.   Well i have my wonderful hubby back(the sober one) and i have to keep reminding myself we've been here before so don't get my hopes up, but that's hard. Just trying to hang on and get thru, I keep reminding myself of one of my favorite sayings "this too shall pass" . Still have so much to do on getting rooms switched, wanted to be done by time Stephen gets home fri. but don't think that will happen, can't seem to get into it just poking along. Stephen is 15 after all, there may be things in his room i don't want to see(yea that's good we'll go with that), so he should be here to help go thru it anyway.   Need to run arrands, hate going to town but i have put it off 2 days too long so.....luv and hugs to all and wishes for a good day/Nite