Dentist Went Okay
Last night I couldn't sleep. I took klonopin at 8pm, and I couldn't fall asleep. I had to end up taking 225mg of trazadone to get to sleep. I didn't want to take any more klonopin. I didn't fall asleep until about 12:30am. I was up at 7:30 for some unknown reason (I had my alarm set for 8:15) and I couldn't fall back asleep. I ended up getting up, having my breakfast and coffee, and then went early to the dentist. I had to wait an hour just to get into the room, and then another 20 minutes till the dentist came in. She gave me some Novacain and it's still kicking in. She ripped my gums apart a bit to try and get them to all latch in to each other. The hole in my jaw is smaller, so hopefully it will be closed when the rest of the gums close. I'm not supposed to eat anything hard until tomorrow night. I had tomato soup and a grilled cheese sandwich for dinner. I didn't eat lunch since I slept all day. I got home around 11am, and then slept until 2:30pm when I went to go pick up my antibiotics at the clinic and then came home around 3:30 and slept until 5. I'm still tired since I didn't get good sleep last night. I hope tonight will be better.
I'm going to try and go into work tomorrow. I need to get back on my schedule. I just don't want to do anything, though. I'm depressed. All the stress going on in my life is killing me. I just feel like crying half the time. I don't know what to do about it. I know that it's regular depression, since if a normal person was going through everything I was going through, they would be depressed too. It's not something that needs a med change or anything. It's just all the bad stuff building up inside of me until I break down. I really should be journaling right now, but it's the last thing I want to do. I'm doing it because it's habit and nothing else. I just want to curl up in bed and listen to the storm outside until I fall asleep. Geo is talking to his stepmother, probably planning something for Father's Day that I will be left out of. They always leave me out of everything. They take Geo out to dinner when I'm working, even though there is time for me to go too. Like, they take him out to lunch and then he hangs out with them all night and I'm home alone, depressed. I don't think they know how much it hurts me to be left out. I can't talk to them about it because they wouldn't understand.
I'm glad I put off looking for work for now. I don't know if I could be reliable right now. There's just so much happening to me at once. Geo says not to worry about it, since there's nothing conclusive about either my stepdad or my mom, but my stepdad has lost a chunk of his memory and his vision has radically changed. My mom had something wrong on her MRI and they said it was either early onset Parkinson's or MS. Either way, it's bad. Plus, she refuses to quit smoking so she's in danger of having another stroke. She's trying to get a job back in Jacksonville to replace the job she quit when she was preparing to move to LA. She kept postponing it, and now Joy, her mother in law, is dying. I like Joy too, she was a nice lady to be around. So my mom is going to stay up in Jacksonville until she dies. I know that Joy is fond of my mother as well.
Mood today was depressed. I just feel this weight on my chest, making it hard to breathe. I did walk a lot today (1.4 miles) but it was empty. It was just walking to the clinic and back twice. I didn't want to wait for my pills, so I went home and napped instead. I don't regret that. It did make me feel a bit better. I hope I can get some good sleep tonight and figure out what to do with the trazadone. Last night I took 1.5 pills (225mg) and so I think I will do the same thing tonight. Once I get used to that, I will go up to the 300mg that my doctor prescribed. I know it's an antidepressant, something I need right now. I have been taking my pills every day, I haven't missed a dose in about a month.
Food today was good.... I was in my ranges for everything except protein. I need to get more of my protein shake mix so I can make up for the days I'm short. Besides shakes, it's hard to get liquid protein (on a tight budget) that I can drink when I can't have solid foods. I don't expect this to be happening again, but it is nice to have a protein shake after a workout. I've been trying to walk faster and it seems to be working a bit. It's hard with my tooth hole pounding, but I have had to go to the clinic to go to the dentist and all that the past couple of days. I might as well get my cardio in.
I'm going to try and go into work tomorrow. I need to get back on my schedule. I just don't want to do anything, though. I'm depressed. All the stress going on in my life is killing me. I just feel like crying half the time. I don't know what to do about it. I know that it's regular depression, since if a normal person was going through everything I was going through, they would be depressed too. It's not something that needs a med change or anything. It's just all the bad stuff building up inside of me until I break down. I really should be journaling right now, but it's the last thing I want to do. I'm doing it because it's habit and nothing else. I just want to curl up in bed and listen to the storm outside until I fall asleep. Geo is talking to his stepmother, probably planning something for Father's Day that I will be left out of. They always leave me out of everything. They take Geo out to dinner when I'm working, even though there is time for me to go too. Like, they take him out to lunch and then he hangs out with them all night and I'm home alone, depressed. I don't think they know how much it hurts me to be left out. I can't talk to them about it because they wouldn't understand.
I'm glad I put off looking for work for now. I don't know if I could be reliable right now. There's just so much happening to me at once. Geo says not to worry about it, since there's nothing conclusive about either my stepdad or my mom, but my stepdad has lost a chunk of his memory and his vision has radically changed. My mom had something wrong on her MRI and they said it was either early onset Parkinson's or MS. Either way, it's bad. Plus, she refuses to quit smoking so she's in danger of having another stroke. She's trying to get a job back in Jacksonville to replace the job she quit when she was preparing to move to LA. She kept postponing it, and now Joy, her mother in law, is dying. I like Joy too, she was a nice lady to be around. So my mom is going to stay up in Jacksonville until she dies. I know that Joy is fond of my mother as well.
Mood today was depressed. I just feel this weight on my chest, making it hard to breathe. I did walk a lot today (1.4 miles) but it was empty. It was just walking to the clinic and back twice. I didn't want to wait for my pills, so I went home and napped instead. I don't regret that. It did make me feel a bit better. I hope I can get some good sleep tonight and figure out what to do with the trazadone. Last night I took 1.5 pills (225mg) and so I think I will do the same thing tonight. Once I get used to that, I will go up to the 300mg that my doctor prescribed. I know it's an antidepressant, something I need right now. I have been taking my pills every day, I haven't missed a dose in about a month.
Food today was good.... I was in my ranges for everything except protein. I need to get more of my protein shake mix so I can make up for the days I'm short. Besides shakes, it's hard to get liquid protein (on a tight budget) that I can drink when I can't have solid foods. I don't expect this to be happening again, but it is nice to have a protein shake after a workout. I've been trying to walk faster and it seems to be working a bit. It's hard with my tooth hole pounding, but I have had to go to the clinic to go to the dentist and all that the past couple of days. I might as well get my cardio in.
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