denial?

I completely admit to myself that I have ms, I can see it everyday in everything that I do, but I cannot stop doing what ever it is.  So, is it so wrong that I don't completely accept that I have ms.  What a paradox.  I cannot deny to myself how things are, but I still do things as if they aren't.  I live in such a crazy world, I have an older brother that was born with cerebral palsy and has never been able to walk(he had crutches once).  He is now 44.  He found a girl with a much less severe case of cp.  He has two daughters, I bet the oldest is now 15.  I remember my mother telling me when the oldest was about 8 that they both have more maturity than their parents.  I am no stranger to disability and the world I have lived in has had very little disability.  My mother will retire this year from being a special education teacher.  She and I both know that things are not great for me, but they could be much worse.  Mom is retiring and she is now 64, I think that she will be a centurion.  I bet that I will live to be over 80, and she will still live longer than me.  That is just the way it is now, everything could change tomorrow.