Denial?
I just want to live a reasonably useful life until I can see J again. I am really confused and tired since I got home. I picked up trash along the road which gave me exercise and helped me feel good. I quit my job as of March 23 (end of quarter). This is the end of a 37 year career. J and I had planned on retiring together in June. I am doing a terrible job at work which I hate and I get mad at little things, not the kids so much , I'm used to them, -but the staff. They seem so together while I run to the bathroom and cry between classes or cry bhind my Smartboard. I don't know when I've felt so lost.I yelled at the principal the other day and had to apologise. I don't really understand what is going on. Am I in denial to just try to shape my life around seeing J again? I just can't go on if I won't see him again. I am tired. I can't get across to anyone how confused I feel. I tell people at work I feel fabulous, never been better since that is what they want to hear. I am nuts.
Replies
Don\'t worry. Confusion, anger, fatigue, exhaustion--all part of grief. It feels terrible, but it will get better. Just be patient with yourself and be kind to yourself. Don\'t beat yourself up. Try to get some good books about grief and they will make you realize that everyone goes through what you\'re describing. Hugs, Amy
Your emotions are truly \"out of control\" right now. You can\'t BE the person you were before this loss -- she has been hit by a truck and has to recover. People who have not been widowed do not have a CLUE about our feelings. They think when the funeral is over, you should straighten the house, collect your insurance, and get on with your life. NOT SO. Perhaps someone in a totally loveless situation might do this -- but everyone at DS has felt the over-whelming confusion and sadness you are going through. It will get better when you no longer have to worry about working. That is just too much to cope with right now. As Amy suggested, many people find books on grief enlightening, and also grief support groups. Just take care of yourself, and know that time does help some (although we hate hearing this).
Doye
Thanks so much. I appreciate it!