Dementia Journey
Now that Dad has been diagnosed with Dementia our relationship has changed. He's still the same combative person he's always been, but I'm different. I know and understand the diagnoses he has and have shaped my life accordingly. He'll pick a fight, but it goes no where because there is no victory in dementia. It doesn't matter if I'm right or he's right, because the winner will always be the disease. So, here we are.
I find my knowledge of dementia helps. Three years of nursing school and I ended up dropping out in the last year. I couldn't take the stress and had been diagnosed with an eye disease anyhow. Seemed like a good time to leave, but I always wondered the purpose of me attending and spending so much money, only to walk away with no license or degree. Now I'm using that knowledge to help my father.
My Dad has lived his life in three parts. The first part--when he was an angry, wife beating demon. The second part--when he suddenly found God and changed his life, treating my Mom with love and tenderness. And the third part where he became who he'd once been in the first part. I'd forgiven him long ago, seeing the new Creature in Christ that he'd become, but suddenly I found myself remembering who he'd once been as he fought his way through the early stages of dementia.
I had seven years of hell, many times crying out to God. And God listened, giving me the answer that I needed to once again forgive and move on. So, I've literally deleted the last seven years, seeing my father as the man he became in the second part of his life. It's still hard, but I know what to expect, how to love him when he's having tantrums and calling me names, and hating me.
In my father are glimpses of all he has been in his life. And I...well, I get by.
I find my knowledge of dementia helps. Three years of nursing school and I ended up dropping out in the last year. I couldn't take the stress and had been diagnosed with an eye disease anyhow. Seemed like a good time to leave, but I always wondered the purpose of me attending and spending so much money, only to walk away with no license or degree. Now I'm using that knowledge to help my father.
My Dad has lived his life in three parts. The first part--when he was an angry, wife beating demon. The second part--when he suddenly found God and changed his life, treating my Mom with love and tenderness. And the third part where he became who he'd once been in the first part. I'd forgiven him long ago, seeing the new Creature in Christ that he'd become, but suddenly I found myself remembering who he'd once been as he fought his way through the early stages of dementia.
I had seven years of hell, many times crying out to God. And God listened, giving me the answer that I needed to once again forgive and move on. So, I've literally deleted the last seven years, seeing my father as the man he became in the second part of his life. It's still hard, but I know what to expect, how to love him when he's having tantrums and calling me names, and hating me.
In my father are glimpses of all he has been in his life. And I...well, I get by.
Replies
They take care of us when we are young and at some point the roles reverse. We came into the world wearing diapers and will probably go out that way. I cared for my mother for 10 years and it is a long road. Keep your scense of humor and rember they are a new person not your loved one.
glad your dad finally got a diagnosis, at least now you know what the problem is but so sorry for what you have went through and what is still to come. Maybe you can get some help taking care of him at least I hope so...take care and I\'ll be keeping you and dad in my thoughts and prayers.
I wish I wouldn\'t argue back with my mom. I do know it\'s her disease and I shouldn\'t. She knows what buttons to push and I obediently react, not every time but more than I should. I\'m getting better at it.