delusions of graduer

I get so thrown off by delusions of granduer. Once something gets it into my mind im like a really smart or something i go off the deep end. Ive kept it under control and honestly the whole thing about value because your intelligent makes me litteraly mentally sick. To me thinking of intelligence like that is something i put in the garbage. I consider all things a loss, less than dung, when it is compared to the surpassing knowledge of jesus christ. It is like it just doesnt get out my head. I feel like its a freakin nightmare sometimes until i get it out of my head. I guess it has to be some kind of OCD thing, but i dont know really why it happens with that. Anyway, here i go again, trying to devalue the level of intelligence so that i can live halfway normal. I think of it as bullshit and i have to becuase it gets in the way of everything. It hasnt happened a lot lately, and i just need to know that intelligence is part of our make up and one thing that makes us be the creation god made us to be.