Defeated...

In the beginning it was fat blunts, a whole lot of laughs pursuit of happiness, so we spent a lot of cash grew in company, not even trying to get the ass best summer in my life, I wish it could last, but that was the past, baggage chasing me, On both of us, we weathered the storm faithfully I don’t know where maturity is taking me my heart has been aching me, it feels like lately we been growing far apart, I wanted to stay the same, can't let old age, come in, and change the game even change your name, acknowledge all my claims, but who put out the flames? They say true love is pain I’m ignorant to your feelings, you need sexual healing but I’m numb inside, I can’t figure out the void so I laid here annoyed, and have I destroyed the only thing I trust? There’s only one of us...I ain’t been the same since the day we died. For seven days and nights I cried & cried, inside cause I prophesize, still got love, I feel guilt, but that’s spoilt milk and, I feel bad when you think I’m mad for no reason feel like I’m making a path for you leaving because of my attitude without gratitude, I ain’t mad at you I just wish I could be ya man... you see I'd die for you cause even if I die, I will always come back for you I’m the lesser half of you, you the backbone that keep the tracks warm, proud to be free I respect that, I just can’t show it in the ways I want to so I hope that I don’t blow it that’s the life of a poet, a chess game or stress made baby I just wanna give you less pain...I’ll admit the responsibility is a bit much, fatherhood... being a provider when your fucked up I want to be able to give you everything, a diamond ring I’m just now looking at collections in cut-off notices we're done. The reason I’m exposing this is anxiety If I don’t express it, my soul will just die in me I’m still way past due so I’m taking out a title loan my fucked up thoughts are rooted in harmony you got a part of me for all of my brutal honesty & to be honest it bothers me, to see us drifting so I had write you something uplifting & the night’s getting darker, the day’s getting brighter reminiscing on the times when we were much tighter Love supersedes you, everything I need together we achieve, hold my hand if you believe...but now I am seeing what you want & how you really feel everytime we let go I can always hear the echo still, but I ain't tryna let go because you're so beautiful I shouln't have been so dull I never wanna lose no I'm not going to confuse you, because out of all these other girls you were the one I didn't wanna let go. I called you up the other day just to say what up, but you never hit me back...Are we acting brand new what type of shit is that? Used to be smiley faces how did you just erase it? Left my heart on the table how did you replace it? I know this game is full of devils I thought you were my angel used to be sooo close to perfect only thing missing was your halo. You said we need to take time now that time is gone...scrolling old texts lookin' through my phone just to feel you there haven't spoke to you in ages told you I'd leave you alone trying to get those feelings back I only want my baby home. All I think about when your not around is when I get to see you I just wanna see that smile...All these thoughts in my mind I've got to get them out trying, but I can't figure out how. I remember in high school I'd skip class just to see you I always wanted to be around ya & calling you. Now it's like every single time I call I never get through all that bullshit you put me through fuck it makes me miss you...you just kicked me fuckin' out & moved on to the next one. I hope someday we can work something out because damn I am wishing you could be here right now because right now I feel defeated...