Decsion
We got word today that mom's does need the level of care of the nursing home..This time she will be going in under Medicaid which I am hoping means that they will not be doing a 6 months evaluation...so she won't be up for being moved again into what is considered a Personal Care Home..so with Kentucky laws being different than most states..which I do not understand especially since having mom over 2 months now and see she is not capable of doing for herself...
They said that they should have a bed ready next week...Thanks for all the encouraging words..with mom...I did learn some things though that will help me as the time goes by and I visit ...before knowing what I know now concerning mom's memory and health...I have not really gotten angry but I have gotten upset at her over Ken's death and her showing no reaction...and that the crying was do to meds she should have never been on..and hopefully they will not put her on them again....but now that I understand her more and her memory will help me in dealing with her at the nursing home..Knowing that she does the best she can is enough for me now...People with this disease ALZ can not control what they know and what they don't...and the thing to do is to just enjoy them as they are...Maybe she does not remember I am her daughter but as she says to me each night...Your so good to me....and thanks me for it...so in the time she has been here I have learned...It may seem sometimes they are pretending...especially when you have never had anything like this before...you don't know..cause some seems like pretense..some seem real...it is a very confusion illness and if I have learned anything during these past couple of months....
That there is nothing easy about this disease...either to the one who is ill or the family..we have to come to an understanding that someone with ALZ may do things that we do not understand...or they may say or not say...or remember or not remember things and at time We without the illness want to just try to get them to understand and feel frustrated....but the thing I feel I have learned...you just have to let them be who they are now...just as losing someone to death...losing someone to an illness that takes them away from you is to be mourned...you have lost someone that your loved, that loved you, but now they are not the person you once knew...
My main thing I learned in dealing with mom at this point and it seems to make her happy..
I have learned to not correct her..
I have learned to answer her to the best I know how.
I have learned to help her when she needs it..
I have learned to show kindness even in the most trying times.
I have learned that at this point trying to convince her that I am her daughter is not the answer as that part of her memory is now gone...I have learned that the best thing it seems I have done is ...treat her as if I am one that just takes care of her needs...be soft...understanding...give hugs...give love...I have learned that to my mom, I am no longer her daughter in her mind...but I am someone that she feels will take care of her.
I have learned the most important is just show kindness, caring and love...even if she does not know who I as as far as her relationship to me..what is important is that she feels safe...
Sandi
They said that they should have a bed ready next week...Thanks for all the encouraging words..with mom...I did learn some things though that will help me as the time goes by and I visit ...before knowing what I know now concerning mom's memory and health...I have not really gotten angry but I have gotten upset at her over Ken's death and her showing no reaction...and that the crying was do to meds she should have never been on..and hopefully they will not put her on them again....but now that I understand her more and her memory will help me in dealing with her at the nursing home..Knowing that she does the best she can is enough for me now...People with this disease ALZ can not control what they know and what they don't...and the thing to do is to just enjoy them as they are...Maybe she does not remember I am her daughter but as she says to me each night...Your so good to me....and thanks me for it...so in the time she has been here I have learned...It may seem sometimes they are pretending...especially when you have never had anything like this before...you don't know..cause some seems like pretense..some seem real...it is a very confusion illness and if I have learned anything during these past couple of months....
That there is nothing easy about this disease...either to the one who is ill or the family..we have to come to an understanding that someone with ALZ may do things that we do not understand...or they may say or not say...or remember or not remember things and at time We without the illness want to just try to get them to understand and feel frustrated....but the thing I feel I have learned...you just have to let them be who they are now...just as losing someone to death...losing someone to an illness that takes them away from you is to be mourned...you have lost someone that your loved, that loved you, but now they are not the person you once knew...
My main thing I learned in dealing with mom at this point and it seems to make her happy..
I have learned to not correct her..
I have learned to answer her to the best I know how.
I have learned to help her when she needs it..
I have learned to show kindness even in the most trying times.
I have learned that at this point trying to convince her that I am her daughter is not the answer as that part of her memory is now gone...I have learned that the best thing it seems I have done is ...treat her as if I am one that just takes care of her needs...be soft...understanding...give hugs...give love...I have learned that to my mom, I am no longer her daughter in her mind...but I am someone that she feels will take care of her.
I have learned the most important is just show kindness, caring and love...even if she does not know who I as as far as her relationship to me..what is important is that she feels safe...
Sandi
Replies
Hugs dear Sandi at this most difficult time...
Marylou
You have learned alot! Hugs to you, Love Susan
Oh yes, Alzheimer\'s teaches many lessons. Prayer and love sent your way.
With love,
Leda
So glad that your mom found a place that is suited for her.
They always say about Alzheimmers to meet them where they are at not where we want them to be . It is easier for us to go to their world and impossible for them to come into ours. Hugs, Inga
All experience on this life journey is about learning. What you have learned from this experience is that love and understanding are our salvation. Hope your mom\'s journey is gentle for her....and you. hugs, Rebecca
Wow, talk about trial by fire, and learning on the job. So hard. There is a truly beautiful book called STILL ALICE about a woman who gets Alzheimers... well, I thought it was beautiful because it was about the reality and how her family coped in all different pretty realistic ways. i can understand if you are not up for reading it... as if you even had TIME... but someday you might like it. I learned a lot from it too. The reality of going backwards to a place where the brain can NOT learn and is in fact UNlearning everything is so hard to fathom.
Sandi, much love and respect for your hard work and pure love.
xoxox Sarah
I\'m so glad that your mom now has a placement. I know that she can\'t remember that you are her daughter, but she does know you as a kind, caring person who is taking very good care of her.
You have learned so much in a very short period of time. Gentleness, tenderness, love, kindness, respect ~ that\'s what we all need and your precious Mom now more than ever. My hat\'s off to you, sweet Sandi ~ so glad that your Mom will be placed in a home where you can visit but won\'t have the day in/day out responsibility for her care.
With much love and big hugs of comfort ~ Debbie
Sandi--You are so terribly smart! Thank you so much for taking the time to share so much about your terrible journey with all of us. I know ALZ is so heartbreaking, but you have learned so much. Much peace, kindness and love to you and your mom as you go through this together, Margery Ann
Sandi,
You seem at bit more at peace with the situation with your mom and for that I am glad. I think that once settled in the nursing home things will work so much better for you and for her...and it will help your relationship with her.
It is so very very common to not really be able to fully understand in this illness what is happening and how to cope with it....everyone flounders....but it sounds as if you have got some hard learned things that are going to help both you and your mom going forward.....
Sending a lot of hugs, comfort, peace, ......
Wow! You are phenomenal! Hugs, Marlene
Love is all that matters and that is what this journal is filled with. Gentle care.
So glad she will be going into a nursing home where she will get the level of care she needs. I\'ve had many patients over the years with Alzheimer\'s and have always said that Alzheimer\'s has to be the worse disease for family member\'s to deal with. It can be heartbreaking. You\'ve done a wonderful job with her, Sandi. *Hug* ~ Adrianne
You all are so sweet and caring...I know without your strength and words of encouragements I would not be as calm as I am...It is still painful knowing just as I know I did all I could for Ken, I still feel I should have been able to do more than I have...but I know I have to learn my limits..and there are times when you have to let others take control for the better of the patient...It is sad still that she does not comprehend who I am..I guess I was somewhat hoping that during this time she would..but once again last night it was proven when she got ready for bed and she told my husband that..\"I guess that woman will bring me my pills\"...Such a disease that takes away the good memories of yesteryears..I know not being able to talk to her as mom and daughter again, I will always miss..and I guess I sorta knew that was missing longer than just last week...but being in denial as I was, I just felt she was hung up on my sister..which she is...which is okay ...but I thought that was what it was about...Not realizing the reason we were not having a mother and daughter talk was...even though we still are...we aren\'t...It\'s sad..I guess like most people say that we the ones left behind in this world or memory...when dealing with loss of memory from a disease or dealing with loss from a death of a loved one...it is us who continue to feel the pain the loss...the person we once knew...Thank you so much for all your input...I will update more as it happens..How can I say thank you who struggle with me as I share my concerns and you are all right here for me.Thank you my dear friends..Sandi
We have to remember how their lives have changed, no just ours. The kindness and love we show them is the greatest gift of all.
I am so glad for both of you that you were able to find a home that suits her needs. Take care. Love, Dawn