Decision made for me
Today pretty much sucked!! I woke up exhausted and sore with a 12 hour shift ahead of me. I kept pushing through like I always do.
I have been trying to figure out how much longer I can keep doing this. Fear of being denied disability, fear of not being able to provide for my family. Fear of being a huge let down to my family. Fear of the depression that will inevitably follow my giving up a career I worked so hard for. Fear that I will make a critical medication error thanks to brain fog or fall flat to the ground because my body hurts so bad and I am exhausted. Fear that I just can't keep going.
Today my decision may have been made for me. I will find out in a couple days.
There are certain certifications that are required. PALS, ACLS, TNCC....all must be maintained. Mine have expired because there is no possible way I can do compressions due to the pain and stiffness in my wrists and hands. I keep making excuses or saying that I was in a flare...but really this is not a flare...this is my permanent future!!!
I have a new nurse manager now. She was reviewing everyones certifications and found mine to be way expired. I was called in to discuss this with her. She told me she has to take it to human resources and most likely I will be let go. That means I lose disability and health insurance.
I knew it was coming eventually. I knew I was facing disability...but I wanted it to be my choice. I wanted to go out on good terms and not be forced out. I feel so lost, lonely, and confused.
What do I do?? Where do I go from here?
I have been trying to figure out how much longer I can keep doing this. Fear of being denied disability, fear of not being able to provide for my family. Fear of being a huge let down to my family. Fear of the depression that will inevitably follow my giving up a career I worked so hard for. Fear that I will make a critical medication error thanks to brain fog or fall flat to the ground because my body hurts so bad and I am exhausted. Fear that I just can't keep going.
Today my decision may have been made for me. I will find out in a couple days.
There are certain certifications that are required. PALS, ACLS, TNCC....all must be maintained. Mine have expired because there is no possible way I can do compressions due to the pain and stiffness in my wrists and hands. I keep making excuses or saying that I was in a flare...but really this is not a flare...this is my permanent future!!!
I have a new nurse manager now. She was reviewing everyones certifications and found mine to be way expired. I was called in to discuss this with her. She told me she has to take it to human resources and most likely I will be let go. That means I lose disability and health insurance.
I knew it was coming eventually. I knew I was facing disability...but I wanted it to be my choice. I wanted to go out on good terms and not be forced out. I feel so lost, lonely, and confused.
What do I do?? Where do I go from here?
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