Decent Saturday
I got up and had my coffee this morning and started deep cleaning roomies bathroom and bedroom. He had not cleaned since I moved out and the tile floors were getting fuzzy...
I will do the cats room tommorow and try to get to the living room. On a forward note, I now have a new armoire. I found it on Letgo and the lady sold it to me for 75.00! So now, I have a bed and armoire. I decided to get moved before I purchase anything else. Better to move it once than twice. Couch will be next i think. I need to list necessities first. I've budgeted my money through Feb of next year. I only am allowed 150.00 a week for food and entertainment so far. That's not including instacart money I make. Today I had no orders and was disappointed but I did get alot accomplished. I paid my deposit and july rent and got that done with, picked up the armoire and did my grocery shopping. I did not allow Roomie to buy me groceries, instead I went to Aldis with a 40.00 food budget and spent 60.00(I bought an extra rib eye for Steve for dinner) since he helped me with the Armoire.
I brought it home and Murphy oil soaped it and was able to pack my stuff and organize it. I also cleaned and vacuumed my car. All and all it was a good day. Joe sent me some pretty negative text last night, threatening to make my life hell. I dont know if he was drunk or sober but I told him if I never cared, I would not invested what I did in the relationship and reminded him that I had asked him not to drink and drive which he disregarded several times. I believe I was justified in leaving-I was already starting to resent him for his actions. I was starting to see him drunk more than sober. Our lifestyles didnt merge. I could see my future or lack there of and I disnt like it. It's terrible that I feel so selfish.
Tommorow, I might go to church- I am not a religious person however I use to go as a kid and I found it very comforting and positive. Hopefully I will get some instacart orders too.
I am excited and scared all at the same time, not knowing what the future holds,but I had to get my own place and take some time for me.
Replies
You are not selfish. You are taking care of your own needs instead of someone else's. That's not being selfish.......I am so proud of you!
I went to church on the day befor I ran in a marathon back in 1996 and after church, the Priest greeted people as we left the church and I asked him to pray that I make it to the finish line and I did. I honestly believe his prayers helped me because I had a bad cold on the day of the race and I nearly dropped out at the 10 mile mark but I somehow picked up a running buddy from Oklahoma who encouraged me the rest of the way and we crossed the finish line together. Ironically, he was from a small town with the same name as my last name and I don't believe in coincidences. The following Sunday after Mass, the Priest chased me down and asked me if I made it, like he was sure I did but he just needed validation so he could congratulate me!
Believe me, when you need something, don't be afraid to ask your Higher Power or drop in to a church service of your choice. I have seen miracles happen through the years because Faith is extremely powerful!
God Bless
Why do people say, "Selfish" like it is a bad thing? My goal is to grow my selfishness so big and self-confident that there is room for the whole world, right here inside my selfish little heart. When I am confident in my selfishness, I can easily see that my selfish little heart doesnae benefit from isolation or cruelty. Growth and healing hopes for all are of far greater benefit to my selfish little heart than folding in on myself in fearful resistance to any and all change, even when it is for the better. Being selfish allows me to go bravely through any storm, be it mine or someone else's.
Or? ? ? Am I just a narcissitic old Toxic Mother? Depends on who you ask, I s'pose.
The Quiet Voice I sometimes call, "God" has been trying to get me to carry our relationship into a church community for a very long time. If I am translating correctly. God believes My Faith in the unseen world is fully fine and strong. It be my faith in humanity which needs bolstering; my willingness to commit to and participate fully in a social collective. She/He/It might have a point. People scare the faith out of me. Commit? Participate fully? ? ?
C'mon, you Gnarly Old Dickhead! ! ! It might be easier for me to fly to the moon under my own rocket power!
Why do you associate being happy and kind to yourself as somehow being selfish?
Sacrificing our own happiness and peace of mind is not the price we are supposed to pay for our relationships with people. The relationships are supposed to add to our happiness and peace of mind. I get that not all relationships do that 100% of the time. Mine doesn’t; sometimes I feel I’m sacrificing too much of myself but I suppose my husband would say the same at times. But those times are the exception for sure, based on whatever BS is happening between us or our lives at that moment.
So, it’s not selfish to leave a toxic relationship and to stop propping up a toxic person. There is a difference between being selfish and self preservation. Don’t listen to whatever inner voice tells you otherwise. It’s a lie.
I’m not a religious person myself but the community of a congregation can be supportive and also bring a sense of peace. So can prayer. Group prayer is really powerful, sort of like a group meditation, a group hum that can be soothing, calming. Plus maybe being in a community setting will make you feel more connected and you may find you can be a support to others too. I don’t know. I just see there is a lot to be said to connecting with others that makes it then easier to deal with my own stuff or at least give me some perspective.
That’s so cool you found that armoire and you are right, so much easier to buy stuff once you are in your new place. Not only will you move it once but sometimes it’s hard to really envision what you need until you are in the place.
Have a great Sunday!