December Trauma
December trauma carries a different flavor than trauma which occurs in the other 11 months of the year. In the last few years I have felt like December is now starting in what used to be September. The 12 days of Christmas have inflated into the 90 days of Christmas. I've been feeling my December triggers since the first Christmas displays went up just before Labor Day. Can I disassociate now? My nerves could stand numbing.
Anniversaries can be tough triggers in PTSD. For this PTSD victim, December carries anniversaries for trauma ranging from suicide to rape to... Shutting down now... Attempting to maintain holiday correctness in a triggered state adds new layers to the onion every year. 90 days is even funner than the original 12.
It is what it is. Acceptance precedes understanding.
Over the last couple of decades I have managed to reduce the new December trauma by detaching from the holiday planning frenzy and going into full flow mode. I don't plan the month ahead of time. I strive to stay in the moment and simply go where the moment takes me. This has infuriated both sides of my family, but they have had time to adjust. The insulting names have had time to evolve a measure of affection. Yea, yea, I am grinchy as ever. How are you, dear?
Possibly the most important progress to date is between my husband and I. We seem to be developing a peaceful dialogue on the subject. The family traditions each of us bring to the table are as far apart as the Holiday supports. My family tradition is the drunken, unbridled passion which makes room for pedophilia and other ho ho fun. The more the merrier. My husband's family tradition is strictly matriarch directed TV perfection with DNA tests required for admission. My husband and I damn near killed each other during our first Christmases together. Still we cannot plan a December together. He marches to his family traditions and I work my program. For now it feels like a triumph that we can each make it through the month without name calling or trying to fix each other. We can even share spontaneously on occasion.
This year I am wondering if it is time to take the next step.
I.F. Only I knew what that step should be...
Anniversaries can be tough triggers in PTSD. For this PTSD victim, December carries anniversaries for trauma ranging from suicide to rape to... Shutting down now... Attempting to maintain holiday correctness in a triggered state adds new layers to the onion every year. 90 days is even funner than the original 12.
It is what it is. Acceptance precedes understanding.
Over the last couple of decades I have managed to reduce the new December trauma by detaching from the holiday planning frenzy and going into full flow mode. I don't plan the month ahead of time. I strive to stay in the moment and simply go where the moment takes me. This has infuriated both sides of my family, but they have had time to adjust. The insulting names have had time to evolve a measure of affection. Yea, yea, I am grinchy as ever. How are you, dear?
Possibly the most important progress to date is between my husband and I. We seem to be developing a peaceful dialogue on the subject. The family traditions each of us bring to the table are as far apart as the Holiday supports. My family tradition is the drunken, unbridled passion which makes room for pedophilia and other ho ho fun. The more the merrier. My husband's family tradition is strictly matriarch directed TV perfection with DNA tests required for admission. My husband and I damn near killed each other during our first Christmases together. Still we cannot plan a December together. He marches to his family traditions and I work my program. For now it feels like a triumph that we can each make it through the month without name calling or trying to fix each other. We can even share spontaneously on occasion.
This year I am wondering if it is time to take the next step.
I.F. Only I knew what that step should be...
Replies
if you told him you have switched religions and want to reside in a neighborhood of that new religion what would he say then? lol. really is easier than dealing with trauma.