December 2024

the last month of the year and it doesn't look any brighter. Walmart is still taking away my work days leaving me with either one work day or none. which leaves me to walk in to see if anyone called out. Christmas week I was working 4 days and now I only have one to work with I still have 4 days for the next following week I just hope that they don't take those away from me. Each and every day as I work at Arby's I don't feel comfortable there anymore, knowing that I am not messing up customers orders and talking to the customers. Leaving a negative review in my evaluation report the I am screwing up orders and talking to customers. I have placed a time limit on staying at Arby's. I am getting penalized for being social to the customers but after this review nothing surprises me that on what she wrote in the report As not one good thing was written in it typical bureaucratic  bull shit. Once I start getting more jobs in my career I am leaving Arby's after I get my home and speaking about home I am still waiting for those people to get off their butts and allow the insurance company to settle in stead of doing nothing. It is already the 19th of December and the year is almost over and I am not looking forward in seeing what 2025 has instore for me. I feel that Arby's is turning their backs on me not offering me any advancement. I shouldn't expect anything more from them as I will continue to limit my time with Arby's. Disassociate with them as you find out who your friends are and not.

Well another holiday has gone by and I haven't heard from my family at all, it is getting down to them not acknowledging me at all. or messaging me wishing me a Happy Birthday or Merry Christmas. I guess I don't mater to them anymore. I guess I deserve this. I am not allowed to see my grandkids or my own kids. I am suffering with depression, work, music and everything else is not distracting my mind. The thought of suicide comes and goes I just barely managed to get by this holiday but I hope to have time in coming up another idea in dealing with these thoughts. I will say that I am sorry for what I have done. I should have stayed and put up with the abuse, losing my eye sight just to be with my kids. I know that I can't undo everything that I have done But I am going to try my best to survive my last remaining life. I just hope that I can manage to prepare for next year.

I am always thinking about my family. The outside is full of con artists and scammers. I have made it through another year but I almost didn't as I have tried once again to commit suicide. To be honest I don't know where I am getting the strength to move on. As I lost my only support person that has saved me many times from commiting suicide. But Merle doesn't have any clue what she is doing to me. Just when I thought I was going to see my grandkids I was told that I wasn't needed to watch my daughters dogs. after I took a whole week off from both jobs.

I feeling helpless as I am being told or insinuated that I am a complete failure as a dad. should I feel ashamed of my self for leaving them? I wouldn't know the answer. As this year comes to a close. I am wondering what 2025 will produce for me.