DECEMBER 2014 -2-
Feelings of abandonment have invaded me. I am angry, sad and so very sorry for myself and i DON'T LIKE IT one bit. I vagely recall this Amanda being a bubbly, friendly, happy and comforting person. one that enthusicastically embraced what life had to offer and shared that with open arms with others. Now all I can do is wallow in this unhappiness - as horrible as this is, this is where I am and if I move out of this (with much exersion) then I will be further away from my dear love and although I know in my mind that this will happen as time passes my heart doesn't want to move away from this pain. Oh so dreadfully paralysing.
Just to add - I have been working on clearing out my mother in laws home and of course that has further bought about these feelings. My mind knows that I have to go through this but my heart is sore then of course the pain manifests physically - stye swelling my eye is just the latest. At least that is something I can focus on repairing as best as I can.
Just to add - I have been working on clearing out my mother in laws home and of course that has further bought about these feelings. My mind knows that I have to go through this but my heart is sore then of course the pain manifests physically - stye swelling my eye is just the latest. At least that is something I can focus on repairing as best as I can.
Replies
Damn feelings!!!! I\'m so sorry that you\'re in this funk.....it\'s such a dismal and desperate place to be....I know! Don\'t worry about it, it\'s incurable, it stays as long as it wants and then goes away and then COMES BACK! It rears its ugly head just when you think you\'re okay and WHAM, it\'s back!
Now, I let it come and I recognize it for exactly what it is......The sad, sad blahs!
I don\'t let anyone talk me down from the ledge or try to talk me out of the dark hole I\'m in.......I wallow in it!
Fix your eye, comb your hair, brush your teeth, fix yourself something to eat and get through the day.......Your alive and our partners existed, they did exist. It\'s not our imaginations.
I\'m here with you,
Roz
We like to call it the grief monster!!! He rears his ugly head way too much at times. However, because we loved so deeply we feel real pain as we try to move forward without our soul mates by our side. The cleaning out of your mother in laws home has most certainly not helped with your healing. When I went back to our 5th wheel in Ontario, Canada, this past summer, I had planned on packing everything up and shipping it to B.C. I could not do it!!! The pain was overwhelming and I could not function at all!! So I stopped and just renewed the spot at the campground for next summer. Your dear love will always be with you!! Think about the good times. Take it one day at a time. Sending hugs. Sue