December 15, 2009

Still hanging in there but it was a rough weekend.  Couldn't bring myself to do much of anything or see anybody.  I have to stop having these times, but I just can't seem to control them. STBX came today to pick up the recumbent bike.  I let him in and he didn't even say hello!!!  What in God's name could I have done to him to make him be so hurtful.  He doesn't even give me the same consideration he would give to strangers -- I don't get it.  Absolutely no connection at all.  It broke my heart because when he left, my little dog Joey, sat by the door just staring at it.  It was so sad. I'm going to see Karen Reece (the famous psychic) tomorrow.  I've never had a good reading, always non-specific.  But she's supposed to be the real deal.  Can't wait. As for life, I think I'm on permanent hold.  No progress, just existing.  I certainly hope this is not what it's going to be like forever.  I don't know what I want.