December 15, 2009
Still hanging in there but it was a rough weekend. Couldn't bring myself to do much of anything or see anybody. I have to stop having these times, but I just can't seem to control them. STBX came today to pick up the recumbent bike. I let him in and he didn't even say hello!!! What in God's name could I have done to him to make him be so hurtful. He doesn't even give me the same consideration he would give to strangers -- I don't get it. Absolutely no connection at all. It broke my heart because when he left, my little dog Joey, sat by the door just staring at it. It was so sad. I'm going to see Karen Reece (the famous psychic) tomorrow. I've never had a good reading, always non-specific. But she's supposed to be the real deal. Can't wait. As for life, I think I'm on permanent hold. No progress, just existing. I certainly hope this is not what it's going to be like forever. I don't know what I want.
Replies
I\'m sending you hugs for a speedy healing. It takes time and we want it over yesterday. It just doesn\'t work that way. Hugs.
He\'s trying to get over you. Saying hello, looking you in the eye, making a connection, would cause him pain. And, I think, you too.
I certainly hope the \"on hold\" isn\'t permanent.
In my case, I realized the only times in my life that I\'ve been alone have been very much on hold times. Moving first and waiting for the rest of the group, being the first to arrive on a trip, being the first to move into the dorm room. So since I am alone, I feel I am not in a place, I am waiting.
And by \"hope\" I mean \"I know in my heart this is true\". Soon it will be your real life and not purgatory.
Enjoy the psychic, but realize the real deal is in your own heart.
Hey you, just sending a hug your way. It\'s hard, we wish that the process would move quicker that we could get to a better place in time. However, having been at this for what seems forever, I think honestly you have to feel and go through it all in order to truly heal.
It does get better!
As for the coldness and total lack of respect from a long term partner, I think nax is right - they distance themselves from us in order to alieve their guilt or get over their own hurt. Just sucks. I personally don\'t get it. I guess I just feel he new me better than that. I keep thinking it\'s his loss! and your exes as well.
Big hugs my friend!