Dec. 6 2010

It has now been four days since I got the call from my stepson in the ER and despite every desire to return my life to being focused and normal, this eludes me.  His hospitalization and all the issues he stirs up overshadowed the entire weekend, not necessarily in a bad way because it caused some good, honest conversations between my husband and I.  But they are exhausting for both of us.  On Sunday we went to visit him and while the visit was short, we both were tense and argumentative on the way there, clearly due to the stress of seeing him, and then I ended up heading out to get him food because he was hungry.  Not a huge thing, but, as always, he needs SOMETHING.  Today I did the same.
On the plus side he was clean and clear headed which is better than high, drunk and clueless.
I realize it is completely unrealistic not to squarely face dealing with his hospitalization and the real logistical issues (damage at his apartment, getting out of the lease, getting rid of his stuff, meeting with the treatment teams, visiting him, getting him basic items as are reasonable) as well as the completely understandable emotional aftermath.  But I so want to just have it all be back to normal because I begrudge the time and energy it takes out of my life to deal with this.  It's a ridiculous situation to put myself in because what I need to do is just accept that this is where I am at right now rather than struggle. 
I think I just need to have a tantrum moment and get over it!