Debating whether I should eat
So today I was eating a blueberry muffin and it was the best blueberry muffin I've had. I also didn't eat all morning so I was gorging. My mom told me I should slow down and relax more, the way I eat is gross. Then the anorexic/bulimic thoughts came creeping back inTo my head.
Yeah I started throwing up at 3 yrs old and binging and purging at 6 1/2. also many ppl say I'm pretty. There is a saying "pretty girls don't eat." And I guess I live up to that saying. Not that I chose to. It just happened.
I am 19 yrs old now and at this age, it's when I start to stop growing. So the more I eat, the more weight I'm gonna put on. I'm no longer gonna be skinny. I have junk food downstairs and I'm scared I'll get out of control and start eating like crazy. And I'll feel guilty. I'm really thinking if I should eat or if I should just starve myself. Cos I dont ever want to get fat.
Going on dates.... just overwhelms me cos the way I eat...... I don't like people looking at me eat.
at the same time, I know if I don't eat, I'm going to die.
i feel so upset and frustrated. I feel like crap and I just feel like I'm gonna turn into a fat hippo anytime soon If I don't control my urges to over eat.
My eating habits is the worst. It's just mindless. I'm just like my dad's side with eating. They just eat plates and bowls full of food. My mom thinks it's gross and my moms side they show signs of disordered eating. They don't eat a whole lot. Like in the morning my mom doesn't eat she just drinks coffee. Then in the afternoon, she'd have a small meal and then some dinner and a couple snacks in between.
Idk anymore. I feel so stuck.
some may wonder y I eat so much and not gain a single pound. They think I have an eating disorder. Well DUH!! U just figured out the fucking answer!
its so obvious and the answer is just right under their nose! Idk why society is just so stupid.
Im pretty frustrated and sorry for the harsh rant but i just wanted to say my thoughts of the day. I hope u all are doing a lot better than I am.
thanks for ur support. Xx
Yeah I started throwing up at 3 yrs old and binging and purging at 6 1/2. also many ppl say I'm pretty. There is a saying "pretty girls don't eat." And I guess I live up to that saying. Not that I chose to. It just happened.
I am 19 yrs old now and at this age, it's when I start to stop growing. So the more I eat, the more weight I'm gonna put on. I'm no longer gonna be skinny. I have junk food downstairs and I'm scared I'll get out of control and start eating like crazy. And I'll feel guilty. I'm really thinking if I should eat or if I should just starve myself. Cos I dont ever want to get fat.
Going on dates.... just overwhelms me cos the way I eat...... I don't like people looking at me eat.
at the same time, I know if I don't eat, I'm going to die.
i feel so upset and frustrated. I feel like crap and I just feel like I'm gonna turn into a fat hippo anytime soon If I don't control my urges to over eat.
My eating habits is the worst. It's just mindless. I'm just like my dad's side with eating. They just eat plates and bowls full of food. My mom thinks it's gross and my moms side they show signs of disordered eating. They don't eat a whole lot. Like in the morning my mom doesn't eat she just drinks coffee. Then in the afternoon, she'd have a small meal and then some dinner and a couple snacks in between.
Idk anymore. I feel so stuck.
some may wonder y I eat so much and not gain a single pound. They think I have an eating disorder. Well DUH!! U just figured out the fucking answer!
its so obvious and the answer is just right under their nose! Idk why society is just so stupid.
Im pretty frustrated and sorry for the harsh rant but i just wanted to say my thoughts of the day. I hope u all are doing a lot better than I am.
thanks for ur support. Xx
Replies
You can eat anything you want to. The problem is Americans are too lazy. As humans we\'re made for physical activity but the average person doesn\'t even do that. So what does the body do? Simple, it gets fat. And not eating only ruins your metabolism so essentially you\'re causing yourself to gain weight because your body thinks you\'re starving. I eat over 10 times a day including mass gain shakes. I consume 2-3 times the daily suggested calories and I still manage to look like Arnold Schwarzenegger. How you ask? Because I exercise. To keep your body weight in check you just simply have to exercise; that\'s it. From starving yourself you\'re only going to die/have bodily function problems or eventually your disorder will cause you to gain a lot and I mean a lot of body fat. And the chances are that you will get fat by the eating disorder. Sorry if I sound harsh but I don\'t beat around the bush and hopefully your doctor is telling you the dangers of your disorder. I know things are easier said than done but hopefully you consider and use this information as motivation to straighten your e.d. out. Salud :-)
I think it\'s very very easy to say \"just exercise\" or just eat more or less or what ever it may be. It\'s very difficult for someone with an eating disorder and distorted body image. The issues are far far far deeper than just that and they need to be dealt with seriously and accordingly because it is one of the most deadly mental illnesses around. Yet people still seem to not take it seriously. I have struggled for years and there are days where I just feel I can\'t go on. I exercise daily, I eat 6 small meals a day. I binge. I starve. I binge again, and then starve again. I am an intelligent human being and I know the risks, and I know what I \"should\" be doing but that little ED voice in my head just won\'t let me. She won\'t give me any rest. The disorder turns your entire life upside down and if u\'ve never suffered through it, you have absolutely no idea what it\'s like. It\'s terrifying. To have to face your biggest fears at least 6 times a day. To have to continue to eat despite the voice tell you everything will be better if you don\'t. It\'s traumatic, and Cutie I hope you understand that this disorder is bigger than you. You need help my friend, and I hope you get the support you need. If here if you need anything.
Thanks :) I\'m taking a health education class in college and my professor says if any of us have any problems, we can talk to him or a counselor on campus. One of homeworks was to do a self esteem wellness worksheet. I felt like I was revealing so much of myself.
I am just afraid. Afraid that someone is gonna know my deepest darkest secret in my deepest darkest hours. I feel I\'m not ready to reveal. Yet fearing to reveal. It\'s too overwhelming. And to make matters worse, my dad always told me to not tell anyone of my personal problems except doctors. My mom tells me the same except it\'s with friends. I get some thingsr private but I guess Asian parents can\'t distinguish between things that r private and things that r serious enough to be discussed with. Eating disorders for example. They aren\'t educated enough about the matter. It\'s very upsetting and sad. My parents r so ignorant on the subject of eating disorders. I know I need to tell someone. I\'ve already told my cousins. They tell me as if they\'re really worried bout me but they don\'t show it. One of them asked me if she can talk to my dad about my bulimia. I\'m guessing she never did.