Death Certificate
Just picked up the Death Certificates. GEES, there was a list of what caused his death, with final blow being Cardiac Arrest. Overall, it's listed as natural causes. There was NOTHING I could have done to prevent this, as his alcoholism brought this on slowly all these years, and it was just a matter of time. Takes away some of my guilt. Because the way it reads, there were AT LEAST 4 things that were killing him... and the heart attack was quick. Sad, but still a blessing, because if we'd kept trying to rescussitate, it would have been such a horrible, lingering death and this way we didn't have to watch him suffer, watch him deteriorate. Again, this also helps me let go....
Replies
I think this death certificate will give you closure. He was the master of his own fate. I\'m sure he had been told many times and chose to ignore what he heard.
It\'s good that you now know there was nothing you could do or should have done to make him well. He chose his path long ago and I know it hurts but now you can put all those questions to rest.
Even though they are no longer married to us sometimes we still feel a little bit of responsibility to worry about their health. I no longer do that but mine is married and he is now someone else\'s responsibility or not.
It\'s so \"official\' isn\'t it? To see it in black and white. To start thinking and talking about a loved one in the past-tense. You have nothing to feel guilty about - NOTHING! If you are feeling badly about some things said or done in the past that you regret...hey, that describes everyone of us out there! You loved and tried to save him for long enough. You gave years of your life to him - many others would not have lasted as long as you did. You did enough. And then you saved yourself, when you couldn\'t \'save\' him. It was a heavy burden you carried and you carried it for long enough hon. Hugs of support !