Death and Life

I recently went to Idaho to see my Grandmother.  She has fallen twice and broken both hips.  She had surgery the first time and barely made it though all that.  She had given up so my brother and I went and did our best to convince her that  she did have something to live for and she started walking again and got better.  She was released from the hospital and went back to the rest home where she lives and fell and broke the other one.  My dad elected not to do surgery on this wonderful 98 year old woman the second time, she she will spend the rest of her days in a wheelchair.  we saw her every day we were there and when we went by to tell her goodbye, she knew us and was having a good day.  she grabbed my face, kissed me and told me she loved me and goodbye.   I have mixed emotions about all that, but I feel if God wants her He'll take her.  She has had 98 very full long wonderful years!  My son died on 3/23/02 and Easter was the anniversary of his death, the 1 year anniversary of my sister-in-laws brothers death and my niece was in a rollover car accident.  Thank my dear lord that she only was bruised up.  Made my be able to really put things that I was sad about in perspective!  The Lord is good!  My son was gone, my grandmother has lived a long full life and my neice's life has just really begun! Thankyou God! Today I slept wrong or something because my left side of my back into my shoulder is hurting me bad!  I want to be able to more forward.  I recently found out that if I work a 20 hour weed minimum wage job, once I graphed it all out with all the programs that I would loose (food stamps, medicaid and medicare premiums), rent increase (400 dollar deductable i would loose on figuring my rent) i would be making a whopping $1.25! Well I guess it is no work for me!!!  OH well who needs that stuff anyway?!?! I also have pulled muscles in my back or something and my back really hurts!  i've got to go back to the heating pad!