Death and Cows
Well, it's happened. The death I was dreading the most. My father-in-law passed away on Friday. He was just sitting in his chair watching the kick off of the football game which he was his favorite pastime, and he just closed his eyes and was gone. First David, a month later his 21 year old niece, and now his father, all within 9 months. I feel so bad for my mother-in-law. Her whole life was caring for him and her relationship with David was a horrible one. I'm staying out of the way right now - except for a sympathy card - because they were all very popular back home and I'm sure there are people coming and going nonstop right now. But next week, I'm going to give her a call, offer to have her come out and stay in my guest room when the next grandbaby comes around Thanksgiving, and check in with her from time to time because I know what she's going to be going through soon. And silently dealing with grief on your own is not good. I always say God is great - He gives me experiences so that I can use that knowledge to help someone else through theirs...
On to a happier subject... The race is only 2 weeks away, and I've been training hard, though darn it, I've plateaued with the weight at 171 and I so wanted it to be 169. Oh well. Rains are coming every evening now which is weird for out here. Usually we are dry as a bone by this time. Even today, I just got back from being chased off by another storm, but more on that in a minute. So the training.... wet trails means that I cross train. I started up with the step aerobics again, within a week got back up to using hand and ankle weights. Yesterday, the results were obvious. It had rained hard Friday night and I woke up to soaking wet ground, so I rode my bicycle up into Spearfish Canyon on the highway. It only took me an hour to get to the trail. In the past years, it's taken me 1 1/2 to 2 hours. And my new bicycle climbed up the rough trail that connected the canyon to the race course as if it were as smooth as the highway. It only took me 1/2 hour to ride through the small wet canyon on the way back (the trail was dry by the time I got to it) and then another hour to get back to town. That's an improvement of a whole hour despite cows on the trail! And dodging cow pies allowed me to practice maneuvering. 28.7 miles in 4 hours (I also added in the toughest B Loop on the Big Hill Trails). Today, tired, sore and achy, I rode the canyon again to another trailhead. This time it was the toughest part of the race - the 1/2 way point over to the Big Hill trails. And I got off to a late start, so the time of day I was there, was actually the time of day I'll be there during the race, so I got a good taste of where I'll need to hike-a-bike and where I can recover. In the past, doing it from the opposite direction, it would take me 3 to 4 hours. Today, it took me only 2 1/2. And the downhills? SLICK (as in nice). My new bike allows me to roll over EVERYTHING - logs, roots, big rocks - and slide my butt off the seat and lean over the back tire as I rode it down like a pro! I found new confidence over new challenges today!
As usual, when I ride, I think.... I thought about David today when I got to the top of the canyon's walls and watched the storm brew up. Good thoughts... non-grieving thoughts.... I was thinking as I looked out over the incredible views that maybe now he can see what I see out there... he always wanted to be able to go with. Sorry-no photos - That meant taking off my backpack to get to the camera and I already was being a dope in that I forgot my backpack in the beginning and had to go back to the house to get it so I'd have water for the ride. And if I'd pulled the camera out, I don't know if I'd remember to close it back up and there was no way I was going to backtrack if I lost anything... Depending the weather during the race, maybe I'll be more organized and take photos next time. So anyways, thoughts of him, thoughts of how beautiful it was, thoughts about how that storm was looking mighty ugly 10 miles away as I could see it was already raining on Terry Peak.... And I'd go on, thinking that the trail would turn and drop down the steep hill.... and it would turn.... and then turn back... and turn... and turn back... and the clouds got bigger and the sky got darker and it would turn.... and turn back.... and turn... and turn back.... and after an hour it FINALLY dropped into thick trees with ferns and other foliage as high as my waist and chipmunks would scurry away with a squeak, and then I found the two track road and even though I was going uphill again, I kicked the bike up into high gear and flew... and around more curves and past more cows.... and maneuvered around ruts left by the cowboys... and climbed back up into the trees and down and down and down the steep hills that had me thinking WOW, I rode UP most of those last time I did the race, and around downed trees, and down more steep hills, practicing and gaining confidence as I went over each one, and I reached the dry creek bed and over the big rocks, not seeing the guy looking for gold right at the edge.... I stopped, apologized for scaring him - he said I was awfully quiet for a mountain biker - and then I was off again, passing hikers as the skies got even darker and then back to the van just as the thunder started to rumble....
SIGH. I'm LIVING again. I'm through the grief.... AND, with the way things are looking, I might just finish the race in 9 hours instead of the 12 1/2 I did last time I finished....
And so... another update... the dog business. I got the plan finished. The numbers don't work. If I do the "PERFECT" building, I immediate run into financial issues within the 1st year - no room for the "what if's" or have to borrow a whole lot more money so I can immediately hire staff and if the city limited how many dogs I would be allowed it would be over before the doors even opened.... Two other buildings that cost less got sold last week. There's still one more but there's a whole lot of construction stuff next to it and it's in a tornado alley, so I'm going to wait and see what's going on with it. But you know... maybe that was the point of it all in the first place... recover from the grief, start thinking about a future on my own. Am I giving up the dream? Nope. Just going to dig deeper, make my plans even better, and GROW. Because worst case scenario - I move somewhere else. I'm ready.
Well, gotta run... the animals are telling me I'm LATE for dinner and they don't know the meaning of patience... LATER!
On to a happier subject... The race is only 2 weeks away, and I've been training hard, though darn it, I've plateaued with the weight at 171 and I so wanted it to be 169. Oh well. Rains are coming every evening now which is weird for out here. Usually we are dry as a bone by this time. Even today, I just got back from being chased off by another storm, but more on that in a minute. So the training.... wet trails means that I cross train. I started up with the step aerobics again, within a week got back up to using hand and ankle weights. Yesterday, the results were obvious. It had rained hard Friday night and I woke up to soaking wet ground, so I rode my bicycle up into Spearfish Canyon on the highway. It only took me an hour to get to the trail. In the past years, it's taken me 1 1/2 to 2 hours. And my new bicycle climbed up the rough trail that connected the canyon to the race course as if it were as smooth as the highway. It only took me 1/2 hour to ride through the small wet canyon on the way back (the trail was dry by the time I got to it) and then another hour to get back to town. That's an improvement of a whole hour despite cows on the trail! And dodging cow pies allowed me to practice maneuvering. 28.7 miles in 4 hours (I also added in the toughest B Loop on the Big Hill Trails). Today, tired, sore and achy, I rode the canyon again to another trailhead. This time it was the toughest part of the race - the 1/2 way point over to the Big Hill trails. And I got off to a late start, so the time of day I was there, was actually the time of day I'll be there during the race, so I got a good taste of where I'll need to hike-a-bike and where I can recover. In the past, doing it from the opposite direction, it would take me 3 to 4 hours. Today, it took me only 2 1/2. And the downhills? SLICK (as in nice). My new bike allows me to roll over EVERYTHING - logs, roots, big rocks - and slide my butt off the seat and lean over the back tire as I rode it down like a pro! I found new confidence over new challenges today!
As usual, when I ride, I think.... I thought about David today when I got to the top of the canyon's walls and watched the storm brew up. Good thoughts... non-grieving thoughts.... I was thinking as I looked out over the incredible views that maybe now he can see what I see out there... he always wanted to be able to go with. Sorry-no photos - That meant taking off my backpack to get to the camera and I already was being a dope in that I forgot my backpack in the beginning and had to go back to the house to get it so I'd have water for the ride. And if I'd pulled the camera out, I don't know if I'd remember to close it back up and there was no way I was going to backtrack if I lost anything... Depending the weather during the race, maybe I'll be more organized and take photos next time. So anyways, thoughts of him, thoughts of how beautiful it was, thoughts about how that storm was looking mighty ugly 10 miles away as I could see it was already raining on Terry Peak.... And I'd go on, thinking that the trail would turn and drop down the steep hill.... and it would turn.... and then turn back... and turn... and turn back... and the clouds got bigger and the sky got darker and it would turn.... and turn back.... and turn... and turn back.... and after an hour it FINALLY dropped into thick trees with ferns and other foliage as high as my waist and chipmunks would scurry away with a squeak, and then I found the two track road and even though I was going uphill again, I kicked the bike up into high gear and flew... and around more curves and past more cows.... and maneuvered around ruts left by the cowboys... and climbed back up into the trees and down and down and down the steep hills that had me thinking WOW, I rode UP most of those last time I did the race, and around downed trees, and down more steep hills, practicing and gaining confidence as I went over each one, and I reached the dry creek bed and over the big rocks, not seeing the guy looking for gold right at the edge.... I stopped, apologized for scaring him - he said I was awfully quiet for a mountain biker - and then I was off again, passing hikers as the skies got even darker and then back to the van just as the thunder started to rumble....
SIGH. I'm LIVING again. I'm through the grief.... AND, with the way things are looking, I might just finish the race in 9 hours instead of the 12 1/2 I did last time I finished....
And so... another update... the dog business. I got the plan finished. The numbers don't work. If I do the "PERFECT" building, I immediate run into financial issues within the 1st year - no room for the "what if's" or have to borrow a whole lot more money so I can immediately hire staff and if the city limited how many dogs I would be allowed it would be over before the doors even opened.... Two other buildings that cost less got sold last week. There's still one more but there's a whole lot of construction stuff next to it and it's in a tornado alley, so I'm going to wait and see what's going on with it. But you know... maybe that was the point of it all in the first place... recover from the grief, start thinking about a future on my own. Am I giving up the dream? Nope. Just going to dig deeper, make my plans even better, and GROW. Because worst case scenario - I move somewhere else. I'm ready.
Well, gotta run... the animals are telling me I'm LATE for dinner and they don't know the meaning of patience... LATER!
Replies
You sound wonderful!! So good to hear how well you are handling the ups and downs of your life. You are truly moving on!! I am jealous, you are down to 171!! How fantastic! Keep up the training and the rest of your life will just fall in line! (((HUGS)))
Living...I guess that is what we all need to learn to do in our way and time.