Dear Asshole

Dear Asshole,
I love you.  I hate that I love you.  I hate that I have become one of these girls who again is hurt by a man that she opened herself to and thought she could trust.  I thought you were different.  But most of all, I hate that I cannot write and tell you this because you are damaged goods.
We have/had been friends forever.  When we entered into this relationship, you told me no matter how hard it got, no matter what happened, we would fight, we would make this work, we would trust each other to always be there.  No matter what.  We knew that relationships are hard.  We knew both of us had baggage.  But we loved each other deeply and cared.  It was the most painful thing in the world to find out that I was the only one who meant what I said.
And now I cant talk to you...  You wont let me in.  You have shut the door and shut me out and made me feel like I am the least important person in your world.  You leave me to deal with all this pain by myself, without my best friend.  You have taught me once again that the only person I can trust is myself, and everyone else will only hurt me and leave.  I did not want perfection, I still dont want perfection.  I just want honest.  I want to know that no matter what, someone loves me enough not to leave... but no, you are like everyone else.
And you wont talk to me.  Your own guilt consumes you that you wont let me in.  You would not listen to me when I told you that there are three people in this relationship and you are not just in a relationship with me, but everything affects my daughter too.  She bonded with you.  You were like her big brother, and now she too has learned that men cannot be trusted.  I could not even bring up her name, because you said all I was doing was trying to make you feel guilty.  I was not.  I just wanted you to realize you are breaking up with two people, not just one.  To make sure this is really what you want because I cant keep introducing people into her life that I thought I could trust, only to have them leave again.  I hate the example I have set for her.  I hate that you made a liar of me.
After all of this... I feel sorry for you.  Because you are damaged goods.  You had something happen in your past that hurt you so bad that you wont let anyone in.  When you finally did, you were too scared that it wasnt going to work, that you didnt even try.  Fighting for a relationship is stupid, you'd say.  No, thinking it would come easy is stupid.  You think you are better off alone... I hate that!!!  But I cant change it.  If you feel like you should just be alone, I cant change it.  I only worry that you will arrive at the end of your life and come to realize that it was a life not lived.  I wish I could open your eyes to that... but I cant.
Its only been four days since you told me you wanted to end it.  Told me that you knew I was not happy, and that you were not going to change.  That this was not worth it.  That you would rather be alone, and you would be happy with it.  That you cant get over something that happened between us many years ago when I was in a relationship with someone else.  That it broke you that I didnt trust you when you tried to tell me my ex was cheating on me.  The thing you dont understand about me is that I am all in when it comes to my relationships as you should have recognized in our relationship.  I didnt have that proof and could not accuse my at the time significant other without proof based on the word of a friend I only knew a few months... even if it ended up being true in the end.  But I think this is just another excuse to leave because you think you are going to get hurt anyways.  Because you think you arent good enough, that you DONT EVEN TRY!!!!
I dont know what to say.  I feel this journey is not over with.  We have known each other too long for it to end this way.  I think you will realize it.  Im just so scared that I cant trust you to be there anymore.  I cant trust you to know you will be there whenever we have a problem and not leave.  I cant bring you back into my daughers life only for you to leave again and say hurtful things to me that I am not even sure you mean.
Others think I am stupid to put up with this mess and that I deserve more, and I know they are right.  I know it.  The thing that hurts me though is that I see you and I see right through you.  Everyone has left you in the end, and you feel like you have no one.  You had me, and maybe still do.  I just wish you would realize it and not throw away something that maybe broken but can be fixed.