Dealing with the past.

      I can't even start telling you how screwed up I am, or should I say, how much I screwed up my own life.     When I met my husband I was living with my host Mom and her two kids, they'd just been trough a divorce and I was my host Mom's rock and support. I began a sequence of mistakes when my husband and I decided to move out of her house after talking to a priest and getting the advice that it was wrong for us to be living under her roof since she wasn't even family. He made us feel aweful that we had sex before the marriage and that we def should not be having sex in her house. So in an impulse we moved out, breaking my host Mom's heart. We had a great relationship and my husband, at the time just boyfriend, was more than welcome to live there with us. She had a huge place in one of the most expensives towns in the suburbs of Chicago. I was very happy living with her and we were a big family. We really loved each other and she really expected me to live with her for at least another 4 years. It was miserable the way I left. She couldn't stop crying and neither could I. Today, I regret leaving them and I miss them so much. I email her a couple years later saying how sorry I was and how stupid I felt for listening to the priest. Today we all take better care of our lives the best way we can and that doesn not mean following the church rules. We wanted to do the right thing at the time and because of the society pressure we messed up. We don't even go to church. We owe the mistake to being young and inexperience. I wish I had someone tell me what's the right thing to do but now it's too late. I will keep them in my heart forever and maybe one day I will take another step into getting them back in my life. We live a mile away from each other but they don't even know. Shelley, Nicolas and Oliver I love you all and I miss you. I am sorry for the pain I have caused you, it was never my intention.