Dealing with the anxiety

I get a call regarding the mortgage I cannot pay on the house I've given up every other day - I'm screening the calls, because there is nothing new to say to them. Restructuring the mortgage is not going to help. I'm on a fixed income, and simply cannot afford to live there. I have given up, and I was quite clear to them, but they are only offering "loan modification", which is not going to help.
The other bank, who holds the 2nd mortgage, has also offered me "loan modification", and will soon be adding their harassment to the mix, because I have informed them that I have left the property, as well.
I am taking a meeting this afternoon regarding my mother's progress, and I don't think that they are going to release her from the nursing home yet, which is going to disappoint her greatly.
I'm working with the school to try to get them to understand the girl and give her a good chance of success - something that they incident yesterday, which I hope is over now (but knowing people like that, I cannot be certain), and have a meeting next week to go over things, again.
I have a psych appointment for myself scheduled for next week, and hope that it goes better than the girl's went yesterday. 
I'm trying very, very hard to get over that meeting, but am a mixture of angry and terrified; people like that think that they are more right than anyone else and use arrogance and condescending attitudes to bulldoze right through (or over) anyone that does not give them what they have decided is correct. There is no reasoning with them, because they do not listen to anyone.
Expecting me to forget all the work that I have done for the last six years with the girl, and the contradictory opinion of every other specialist (5 psychiatrists and nearly a dozen psychologists) she made her decision with a few short minutes, with no history, no records, and no examination and I was supposed to blindly follow her instructions to the letter, or be dismissed from the practice, and her instructions included terminating her current therapist in favor of in-home and out-patient, intensive, intrusive therapy.
This is difficult to "get over" because this happened 6 years ago with an inexperienced therapist who had no business "diagnosing" the girl in the first place. It was a horrifying experience, which involved the school (and I am surprised it did not involve the police or child welfare), and it took a great deal to fix - and while I was fixing it, our lives were hell.
This woman brought all of that back in an instant - the entire meeting was less than an hour - without hesitation. The diagnosis she was trying to cram down my throat (the same one that the incompatent therapist from 6 years ago was trying to cram down my throat) has been dismissed as false and inappropriate by every practitioner since that time.
I'm hosting Thanksgiving tomorrow, and I don't feel very good today. I want things to go well, however, if there are any more upsets, I don't know how I can put them aside.
I have lost nearly everything I own. I have been degraded and disparaged, had all my privacy and dignity taken away from me and don't know how to recover from it. Don't know if I will recover from it. I have no pride.
I have limited resources left to me, and I hope that they will suffice, at some point, to rebuild some resemblance of a life. While I would love to have a job, like the job I had before, it is never going to happen. Getting laid off in 2004 pretty much sealed my fate on that front. I think that I will, indeed, never be able to work again.
And that is a shame, because it was fulfilling, and the only place that I had any pride during my life - because I have none with my family. They take it away as surely as those people (like that horrible woman yesterday) want it. They have no respect for me, making it difficult for me to have respect for myself.

 

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sugarbear75
sugarbear75

Will keep you in my prayers and my thoughts. Happy Thanks Giving despite the cirumstances. God is in control and God is Good. No matter what happens.