Dealing with life after losing my daughter

it's been a year since I lost my daughter still born at 32 weeks she was my first pregnancy my everything I still remember her last kick in me last time I saw her on a ultrasound I remember waking up in the hospital telling me she passed seeing my boyfriend crying at my feet now I'm 17weeks with a girl again and I'm scared to go sleep everyday waking up to them telling me I lost her again seeing that look on my boyfriend face again of nothing but pain I'm so scared I feel guilty for getting pregnant again for being happy again some times I feel like I shouldn't ever be happy again everyday I think bout my daughter what she would be like today would she be waking talking yet I'm sad all the time I fake a smile everyday try my hardest to but on a smile but there are some days I can't and all I wanna do is hide away I ask god everyday why wasn't me as well he should took me always to why did he leave me here to deal with this pain and hurt in my heart I wonder if this hurt will ever go away will I ever be able smile again and mean it be happy wouldn't feeling guilty bout it I wonder when will that happen I pray for it to happen soon but I know that day won't come anytime soon....