Dead.
I see myself dead.I never had anything i ever wanted,Not even a smile or a hug,I never had anything i wanted,Not even a nice talk with a friend,All i ever wanted was for someone to care,someone to love me,and not judge me,but in the end all i got was thisnever ending pain,Im just so sick of going ontrying for nothing,I just want it to end,everything.I feel so worthless,like no one cares,so sad, so lonely, so scared,of not having that one thingi have always wanted.Its nothing you can buy with money,not an iPod, not a movie ticket,not a plane ticket to mass,but just to have love and happiness,how much is that to ask,i wouldnt think it was that much,but for me its eternity.The eternity thats going to keep,lasting for ever and ever,and no one seems to notice or care,the kind that makes you want to cry,and die,and scream,and go insane.im so sick ofpanic,depression,Its always dark in my world,something, helps, music.besides that, my world,is full of darkness and despair.wish someone would notice,or even care.DO i really want to end it all?Tonight, tomorrow, or in a week,one of these days im going to snap.That will be the end of me,Bang. Bang.
Replies
this is really powerful. u are a good writer.
Yes, powerful writing by a talented poet. However, the pain written about is real for you. From what I know of PTSD you relive the trauma you have experienced from the abuse again and again and that this is compounded by the OCD and depression. I believe it is time for you to play a different video tape in your mind: The new you with your son. I mean by this that the record of your life is incomplete - the present will reshape the past. Take every new day as a gift or a present to take hold of. Your son is a gift. I cannot even begin to understand the pain you are going through but my new attitude is that the present with its possibilities is a gift to be unwrapped daily and this will reshape the pain of the past. It is difficult to begin with but day by day find something good to live your day with your son. You are loved by your son and you are loved with a virtual hug over the oceans from me. You are beautiful and in your son\'s eyes, I see your beauty. As long as you keep in touch with your son and your true friends in support groups, you will find gems of happiness in your current situations and they will gleam out of the darkness that you find yourself in. You are a gem - a diamond and I hope that your many faceted beauty will come from within to shine some of your happiness into the world. Hugz. :-)